Atonement
by Synthesis Landale
Summary: Completed! Slash. Snake is called by Otacon - he's found a new Metal Gear... But nothing is quite as it seems, and Snake finds himself facing some unexpected surprises.
1. Chapter One

Title: Atonement  
  
Pairings: You'll see.  
  
Chapter: 1/?  
  
Rating: To be determined. This chapter is probably a PG. Story will probably be PG-13/R  
  
Contact: synth3sis@yahoo.co.uk  
  
Beta: None as yet  
  
Atonement  
  
Flashing neon lights, dancing girls in tight leather, and the smell of too much booze. Not the kind of environment he imagined Otacon to be residing in by choice, but he himself didn't mind it. In fact, he quite liked it.  
  
Solid Snake stood by the bar, dressed in a long, dark trench coat that was wet from the rain outside. He tapped his foot. Snake didn't mind having a drink or two, or smoking a few cigarettes, but he really hated hanging around in public places. They carried risk, and he was tired of it. He'd shied away from humanity with only animals for company to escape it.  
  
So why was he here?  
  
He lit up another cigarette to calm himself, wondering to himself if it was a trap, when a door behind the bar opened and Otacon beckoned him forward. He looked drained, thin, like he'd been through a lot of stress.   
  
Snake slipped through the door discreetly; Otacon didn't stop to greet him, but hurried up the stairs like something was chasing him. Or would be soon, Snake wondered. Is this why he'd called him here, to bail him out of trouble? Typical. Everyone always needed his help; he could never enjoy his retirement in peace.  
  
Enjoy. In peace. Ha, he thought, at the mere mention of those words. He hadn't been enjoying his retirement, he'd just existed through it, aching for the battlefield, the adrenaline. Meryl had offered him an alternate distraction, a different kind of fire, but he woke one day to find her gone, and a note to say she'd gone on a personal mission and would never return. That day, one of his huskies had fallen gravely sick and he'd had to put it out of its misery. He'd felt more upset over the sorrow of losing an innocent animal then he did over Meryl, who had chosen to return to the killing grounds despite everything she had told him to the contrary. He wasn't even angry; he simply had no faith in the human race anymore.  
  
Maybe that was why he had come: to search once again for faith in people. He had to admit, there was an innocence in Otacon he coveted, a naivety that had led to the creation of Metal Gear, perhaps, but a lack of aggression and a light of hope, even in such dismal times. Yet he could see little trace of that now. Otacon looked drawn and pale, tired and sick, as though he hadn't had a good night's sleep in a very long time. Snake couldn't help wonder what he'd gotten into this time.  
  
Otacon quickly ushered him into a room on the top floor, which he locked behind him. There were three locks on the door.   
  
"Just what are you running from, anyway?" Snake asked, his voice gruff. He'd flown out from Alaska, after receiving a cryptic telephone message, "I almost didn't come."  
  
Otacon could see Snake's patience was running out. He flipped up his laptop and pointed to the screen.  
  
"I've found Metal Gear," he said.  
  
^*^  
  
"You're kidding me." Snake pulled up a dingy chair that looked as though it would barely support his weight and perched himself on it. He feigned shock, but he had known deep within that Metal Gear would return. He had just hoped otherwise, and wished that he could have just stayed holed up doing nothing in Alaska. Strange, he'd longed for the battlefield; now faced with it, he dreaded the prospect of returning to battle.  
  
"I wish I was, Snake," Otacon said, his eyes darting to the window now and then nervously, as if waiting for something to happen. Just then, there was banging on the door. Otacon snapped the laptop down and stuffed it under the moth-eaten bed, not shutting it down properly. His eyes darted to the door, swift and alert. How he'd changed, Snake thought. He'd learned about the real world, no doubt, and had some time to reflect on it.  
  
"Who's there?" Otacon asked, feigning confidence in his voice. But he wavered, and Snake could tell that he was at his wits end, and that his attitude was just a front, a reaction to whatever had happened to him these last few years.   
  
"Chill, Hal, it's just me, Leon!" A cheery voice yelled through the door. Otacon looked relieved, and Snake relaxed too, knowing that this was probably someone he knew. He just hoped he hadn't been putting himself in danger. How many other people knew about the existence of Metal Gear?  
  
Otacon rushed over and unlocked the door. It opened, and Leon slid through, and Otacon swiftly closed and bolted it behind him.  
  
Snake assessed the young man standing towards him. He was scruffy, with ginger hair and a goatee beard and glasses, a real geek, just like Otacon. He stood in jeans and a scraggy t-shirt; hands on his hips, and Snake knew he was getting the assessment treatment too.  
  
"Ah, is this your friend, Hal... Ex-military?" Leon offered his hand to Snake, but Snake looked at it as if he'd just been offered a slab of ice. Leon quickly withdrew his hand.  
  
"You could say that," Snake replied coldly, giving a warning glance to Otacon. Just how much had Otacon told this stranger about him and all the secrets of Metal Gear? He could be anybody, Snake thought.  
  
Otacon walked over and hugged Leon, "Don't worry, Snake," he said, "I know what you're thinking, but don't worry, you can trust Leon. He's my boyfriend."  
  
I'm getting too old for this, Snake thought, his eyes looking at Otacon, then Leon, then Otacon again, beaming with happiness and seeming one hundred times more confident now his partner was around.  
  
"Any more surprises for me, Otacon?" Snake asked, just a little irked. He'd come all this way and learned far more than was comfortable to absorb in one day.  
  
"Yeah, just one more thing..." Otacon said, slightly reticently, "It seems now that Ocelot sold the plans to every interested party on the planet; Metal Gear is here to stay. Leon and I have talked about setting up an organization to monitor these Metal Gears and well... deal with them if necessary..."  
  
"And that's where I come in," Snake grumbled. He could see where this was going; Otacon had only called him because he was useful, he thought angrily.  
  
"Well, yeah..." Otacon admitted, "I'm sorry, Snake, but we can't just ignore Metal Gear! Even I had to stop running away..." He looked to Leon, who gave him a reassuring smile, telling him he was doing the right thing.  
  
"You called me out of retirement, I come all this damn way to find out you've shared information about Metal Gear to this guy who could be anybody..." he glared at Leon before continuing, "and then you think you can just start up an organization, using me as your pawn? Think again, Otacon. Metal Gear isn't my responsibility anymore!" Snake shouted, anger filling his veins. Even as he shouted, he knew he was giving in, he knew that Otacon was right, but he couldn't face it again, he couldn't face Metal Gear anymore.  
  
"Find someone else," he said, "I'm not fit for this anymore. This is a job for a younger man." He walked over to the door and unbolted it, desperate to get out of the room where the walls were closing in on him, guiding him to the ultimate conclusion.  
  
He was running away.  
  
"So this is Solid Snake? Huh, great hero, Hal," Leon said sardonically, "You made him out to sound like a god, but he's just a frightened child."  
  
"Stop it, Leon," Hal said, "Let him go, it's his choice whether he participates or not. It's his life on the line, after all."   
  
Snake slammed the door behind him.  
  
"He's our only choice, Hal, and you know it." Leon replied, as Otacon slumped down on the bed, deep in thought.   
  
Had he hurt Snake somehow? Had the admission of him being gay on top of Metal Gear been too much for him to take? Otacon buried his head in his hands, and sighed. This wasn't going to be easy as it was, but it had just gotten a whole lot harder.  
  
^*^ 


	2. Chapter Two

Title: Atonement  
  
Rating: This chapter - PG-13  
  
Chapter 2/?  
  
Feedback: Yes please! synth3sis@yahoo.co.uk  
  
Author's Note: This is a work-in-progress. Nudges to continue are always welcome, because I have the terrible problem of never finishing anything.  
  
The cold night air brushed away the sweaty heat and the smell of cigarettes from Snake's nose as he walked away from the club. A couple from the club were kissing and groping each other against a wall; Snake could remember when one of those men might have been him, back in the days when he could have taught a sailor a thing or two about sex. Now he didn't go out seeking pleasure - his libido had died with his depression, and he was as frigid as the ice of Alaska that he had lived in. The fire had died with Meryl's departure, and he felt that people weren't worth bothering with. He was only wanted when he was useful, as had been the case with Otacon. Nobody cared about his well-being; they just wanted him for his skills in killing.  
  
He took out a cigarette and lit it, making his way back to the hotel. Prostitutes stood on the sidewalk, trying to tempt him but he ignored them, walking on by as though he were alone in the street. The buildings towered above him, great looming shadows over his small being. Streetlights flickered and neon lights buzzed from the many clubs that filled this area of the city.  
  
He knew that Metal Gear called him, and that there was no escape. He had fled into the night, but no matter where he went, the future of the world was in his hands. He knew about Metal Gear; and being one of the few who held that knowledge and were still alive, he felt he held a responsibility to the world to deal with it. Otacon too, shared that same belief, that's why he was here, searching, living a life in a seedy apartment, running away from those who would see him dead.  
  
Damn, Snake thought, how Otacon had changed. Gone was the naïve, delicate scientist he had met who didn't even know the monster he had created. He looked like he'd lived in his own personal Hell, atoning for his sins every day of his life.  
  
He thought of Otacon's revelation that he had a boyfriend. Snake knew he shouldn't have been so surprised as he was; after all, he'd only known Otacon for a short time during Shadow Moses, but during that mission he'd given every indication he was straight... After that, Snake had disappeared to live his life with Meryl and Otacon had been flown off in a military helicopter. He'd honestly believed he would never see Otacon again, but the one thing that bound them in blood had brought them back together.   
  
And Snake knew he couldn't keep running, because wherever he ran, Metal Gear would be there, his eternal nightmare. As he destroyed them, they would build them, bigger and better than before. He was one man against the machine, and he felt his age creeping up on him like a reaper ready to snatch him from his body at a moment's notice. Was he ready to face death? There were times he felt he would welcome it, to be free from who he was, but as he had seen with Grey Fox, even death wasn't a guarantee of eternal peace.  
  
He found himself at the dingy hotel he'd booked himself into for the night, having not known what Otacon would prepare for him. He was glad he hadn't expected anything as he made his way up to the dingy room and fumbled with the key in the lock. The door opened, and he threw his rucksack onto the fusty floor, closing and locking the door again before he collapsed onto the bed.  
  
Metal Gear was back. From the plans Otacon had shown him, it was a big one, and probably the first of many. Unless they could get to the prototype soon...  
  
Snake realized he was actually considering Otacon's proposal to start an anti-Metal Gear organization. He at least felt a responsibility to deal with Metal Gear while it still existed. It seemed like it was his destiny to face these nuclear-equipped walking battle tanks until the day that he died or they stopped being created. He figured that he would die first, but still he felt that he was one of the few with the power to do something about it... Otacon was willing to risk himself and his lover for his cause... so why did Snake feel so reticent about it?  
  
There were a lot of things to think about. Three men fighting for a cause was all well and good, but what money did they have? Snake was fairly wealthy, but he knew he was always being monitored and couldn't spend huge swathes of money without arousing suspicion. By the looks of where Otacon and Leon were living, they didn't have any disposable income, either. They could hardly get work; it would pinpoint their location. But Leon could... he wasn't known to the government...  
  
Snake couldn't believe what he was thinking. He didn't trust Leon, yet he was contemplating making him their lifeline in the whole plan? He grunted and kicked back the sheets, pulling himself in underneath them. He curled up in a ball, not really tired, just not knowing what to think about the whole situation. He wasn't used to making decisions, just being told what to do and doing it to the best of his ability. But Roy Campbell was a thing of the past, he worked for the government, and Snake no longer did. He was a retired soldier, supposedly free to live his quiet life in Alaska as long as he told nobody his classified secrets. Unless the government counted his Huskies, his secrets had been told to nobody. Unlike Otacon, who'd told that damn Leon guy...  
  
He found himself angry that Otacon had let a stranger into the whole affair. Metal Gear was not a plaything - it brought anyone who even knew of its existence into real danger. If Otacon cared for Leon as much as he said he did, why did he expose him to that risk? Nothing made sense. He wanted to talk to Otacon, but it seemed as though it might be hard to get him alone now that he had a boyfriend on the scene.  
  
Otacon... with a boyfriend... It still seemed alien to him, more so than he wanted to admit. He'd had men before - working in the military could be lonely and there weren't many women around - and he'd even had a few out of sheer curiosity, but it had never been love. When he thought about it however, it made sense somehow. Otacon was searching to be loved. Maybe he felt closer and more equal to a man, especially a geek like Leon. He could understand it when he thought about it that way, and he was glad that Otacon had found some measure of happiness. At least Shadow Moses hadn't destroyed his chances of loving again...  
  
Snake found himself almost envious of Otacon's relationship. He had someone who understood him, someone like himself. No matter how hard Snake had searched, he never seemed to get it right. Looking back on Meryl, he should have seen it was doomed to failure. It was love that had bloomed from necessity and the desire to protect, forged in the heat of danger and the thought that they might not live to have a life together. They hadn't thought long-term, it had been a bond forged for their survival, and it had wilted and died in the face of safety and calm. He thought that a lack of stability was just part and parcel of being a soldier and facing death... but Otacon had been there and faced Shadow Moses too... and come out the other end a lot better off than himself. True, he'd been protected and not had to kill anything, but the whole ordeal had probably been more terrifying for the scientist who didn't have the power to protect himself. He'd had to place his entire life in someone else's hands... Snake couldn't imagine that, having always looked after himself.  
  
But what if, someday, he failed to protect him? Going into an anti-Metal Gear organization was going to be risky for them all. What did Otacon expect from him?  
  
There was a knock on the door that pulled Snake out of his reverie. He silently slid out of bed, pulling a SOCOM pistol from the pocket of his trench coat. He put it behind his back, not wanting to scare anyone if it were an innocent hotel worker, but wanting to be safe if it were someone coming to take his life.  
  
He put the key in the lock and turned it, and opened the door, moving back with it so that if someone shot indiscriminately when he opened the door it wouldn't kill him. He looked around the door and dropped his defenses; it was Otacon.  
  
"Can I come in?" The scientist looked somewhat nervous now that Leon wasn't standing by his side. He also seemed somewhat melancholy in his manner, his voice a sad and frightened whisper.  
  
"Of course." Snake stepped back; Otacon came in and looked nervously at the gun Snake was holding.  
  
"You too, huh..." He closed the door and took the key from Snake; once it was locked he seemed to relax a little. Snake put the gun carefully down on the dresser and ushered Otacon to sit down. Otacon perched on the side of the bed, looking at his feet.  
  
"Where do I start?" he mumbled, half to himself, half to Snake.  
  
"You can start by telling me what's going on, Otacon. All this sneaking around is my specialty; I've never seen you look so nervous every time there's someone at the door." Snake stood, arms folded, confidence and impatience in his expression, which made Otacon cower further into his shell.  
  
"They're after me, Snake, that's why I had to tell Leon. He didn't know, and I liked it that way... But I had to be curious... I had to look; I had to find out if the net rumours were true. I created Metal Gear; it's my responsibility to destroy it..." He faltered, took a breath, and continued, "I ran away, started a life here, thinking I could be free of that duty, but I can't, Snake! We're the only ones outside the government and the military that truly know what this thing is capable of..."  
  
"Don't you think I know that?" Snake said, sounding harsher than he had intended, and watching Otacon flinch at his words made him want to turn away, run away, disappear as he never had before. Seeing Otacon scared, alone and paranoid reflected his own fears, and stripped him of the wall that he had hidden behind for so long. He looked away, hoping Otacon would regain some composure so that they could get on with this conversation. If Otacon was relying on him, then he needed to be strong.  
  
"I was scared, that's why I contacted you..." Otacon said, "You always knew what to do back in Shadow Moses. Part of me wanted you to say you were happy with Meryl and never wanted to go back to the battlefield, but when you told me you had broken up and would come right out here to see me, I knew you were the same as me. We're bound, Snake. Bound to Metal Gear, and it strips us of our happiness. It makes us atone for all our sins..."  
  
"Don't get all religious on me," Snake grumbled, "I didn't think you were into all that stuff."  
  
"I'm not. I'm a scientist; religion has no basis in scientific fact as far as I'm concerned. I was just saying that we seem to keep coming back to this point..." Otacon shrugged.  
  
"I do," Snake said, "You've faced it only once. This isn't your battle, it's mine."  
  
"I designed Metal Gear! I'm as much a part of this as you are..." Otacon replied; annoyed to have been cut out of something that he had put his life on the line for.  
  
"You designed Metal Gear REX. That's gone now," Snake explained, a little more gently. Otacon realized he wasn't being aggressive, he was offering him a way out, if he wanted to take it...  
  
"What would you do, Snake, if I backed out? You'd face it alone?" Otacon didn't doubt he would, but it was madness, a death wish to do so... He wouldn't let that happen.  
  
"It wouldn't be the first time," Snake said, remembering Zanzibar in 1999, and other previous missions. If he had to go alone, he could face it. He'd rather have Otacon as his advisor, but if he couldn't take it, he'd be better off alone. Sometimes it was easier to have nobody to protect but oneself.  
  
"You know I'll come with you. No matter what you say, I have a duty to destroy this thing as much as you do." Otacon said firmly, his decision made long ago.  
  
"What about Leon? Do we tell him everything and let him in on it, or do you want to protect him and keep him out of it?" Snake hoped he'd choose the latter, he didn't particularly trust strangers, but he wasn't going to turn away Leon if it made Otacon more comfortable with risking his life.  
  
"You'll find he's more qualified than you think, Snake," Otacon explained, "He's worked on military projects in the past; nothing big, but big enough to understand the gravity of this situation. He wants to help us, Snake, and well... I'm not good at stopping him..."  
  
Snake chuckled, the closest thing to a laugh he'd had in a long time. The mental image of Metal Gear becoming the subject of domestic brawls was just too funny for him to pass up.  
  
"Hey, hey Snake, what's funny?" Otacon said, wondering if Snake had lost his sanity.  
  
"You, living here with Leon, shacked up like a 50 year old, being submissive and having domestic troubles over Metal Gear, that's what!" he said, before lighting up a cigarette to calm himself. He didn't know what was so funny - it was the battlefield that had torn him and Meryl apart, but yet, the entire day had been completely absurd. Metal Gear was back, Otacon was gay, and he, Otacon and Otacon's lover were going to take it on with virtually no equipment. He rolled back on his bed and laughed, while Otacon stood up with a puzzled look on his face.  
  
There was a deep hollow booming knock on the door, and they instantly stopped laughing and looked at the door, fear in their eyes.  
  
They knew it wasn't a social call, and their fears were confirmed when a foot smashed through the door. Weight was thrown against the door, and it began to give on the weak, rusty hinges that barely held it to the wall. Snake thought quickly, and shoved Otacon into the closet, locking the door. Otacon wondered why Snake hadn't gotten in, then he realized - he was going to stand and fight! He would have protested, but the only way to do that was noisily, and any noise now would destroy the element of surprise he had. They were expecting to search for him, not to fight him right there the minute they broke down the door.  
  
The door gave way, and the men rushed into the room. There were shouts and the sound of gunfire, and Otacon covered his ears. He couldn't bear to think of what was going on out there - was Snake alive? He heard a familiar cry of pain and a thud, and nearly cried out to Snake. He knew he'd been shot, and he could do nothing against several men armed to the teeth. It was all his fault, everyone close to him died, it was his curse, the ultimate price for creating Metal Gear. He shouldn't have called Snake, shouldn't have brought him here, to this...  
  
He staggered back in the closet and sat down against the back. He couldn't help Snake, but perhaps Snake's only chance at survival was him, and if he died he wouldn't be much use.  
  
"What about that closet?" a hoarse male voice said, and Otacon's heart went into his mouth as he heard someone move closer.  
  
"I'm looking through the keyhole," another, younger male voice said, "It's totally dark in there. I can't see a thing." He kicked at the door and Otacon knew it was all over for him. The door came away from its hinges, and a hand reached inside and ripped him out of his hiding place by the front of his shirt. He shook violently, terrified, as his attackers face came into view. It was no one he recognized. He looked around and saw Snake lying face down in a pool of blood. He turned away, unable to face the sight. A fist hurtled into the side of his head, and stunned, he was thrown back against the hard wall. He felt his bones crunch, and searing pain filled his foggy brain, which was too out of it to be scared any more... He just wanted to drift away. Nothing had any significance now, and another blow sent him spiralling into darkness.  
  
"We've done what we were paid to do. Let's go," one of the men said, and the two friends were left for dead on the hotel room floor.  
  
~  
  
Otacon stood still in the cold snowy landscape, covering his ears and closing his eyes as Snake gave the last shot to a dying soldier. He had loved her, and now the man who had saved his life and become his friend was the one who was going to take her from him.  
  
The shot resounded through the dark winter night, reverberating in Otacon's ears. Soldiers had laws of their own, and what Snake had done was considered merciful. He could have left her there to die painfully, but he'd invoked an unspoken rule of the battlefield to free her. There was no hatred, only respect for an opposing viewpoint. It was sad that people had to die, but accepted that they would each die for what they believed without question.  
  
Otacon hadn't understood at the time. He didn't want to understand, for understanding would be accepting, and he couldn't bring himself to accept the callous battlefield justice he had just witnessed.  
  
But now, it was all clear, and Snake had died too, because he had come here, because he believed in what Otacon had told him, because he believed in the destruction of Metal Gear...  
  
Snake...! His mind struggled with the images it was showing him, he knew seeing Wolf's death again that it wasn't real, just a memory, just a dream... He was aware of pain in his head, and in his legs, which made him want to retreat into his cocoon of dreams again...  
  
Snake... He forced himself to open his eyes, and snapped them shut when the pain seared through his head. No sight, only pain. He was blind... He reached his hand up to his face and felt swelling, and blood from his eyes. He wouldn't try opening them right now...  
  
SNAKE! The vision of Snake in a pool of his own blood brought him to his senses, and he groped around on the floor. He could move, with pain, and he dragged himself around the room, feeling the bed, and then his hand rested on something warm and soft...  
  
"Snake!" Otacon's hand ran over the features of his face, checking it was definitely Snake and not a felled attacker. His hand tried to find the pulse in Snake's neck, but in his blindness it was impossible, so he rested his head on Snake's chest, and felt a faint but steady heartbeat. Relieved, but still in pain, Otacon passed back into the world of dreams and fantasies. 


	3. Chapter Three

Title: Atonement  
Rating – PG-13/R for this chapter  
Chapter – 3/?  
Feedback – synth3sis@yahoo.co.uk

Summary: In the last chapter, Otacon and Snake were brutally attacked in Snake's hotel room. Found by Leon, they find themselves in hospital… with many questions.

Otacon felt a gentle touch, a hand squeezing him. He knew he was either safe and warm, or he was dead. Either way, he had the feeling that nothing really mattered, and he drifted back into a deeper state of nothingness.

"Doctor, do you have any idea when he'll wake?" Leon sat at the bedside as a doctor walked in with a clipboard.

"He received a lot of forceful blows to the head. He could be out a long time… Even…" he faltered, not wishing to say the next line when he saw Leon's closed eyes, but knowing he had to be honest, "Even forever. Or he could suffer memory loss or brain damage. We really can't tell yet. Until he wakes up, there's not a lot we can do."

"I see… Thank you," he said, and left to leave, "Well, you have to do your checks, and I need a cup of coffee…" Leon made a hasty exit, needing to ponder upon and digest the information he had just been told.

He'd found them in the hotel room. After not hearing from Otacon, he'd gone to the address he'd been given and found them in a pool of blood on the floor, Otacon's head resting on Snake's chest. He wondered what was between them, and felt a rush of anger to his head as he wondered if he was being betrayed. Now, Otacon was in a coma and couldn't give him the answers he needed. He could be in the coma forever…

"Forever's a long time," he whispered to himself, as he left the ward.

~

Otacon caressed Leon's face. It was the first night they had been together, after confessing their feelings. They had gotten to know each other over a long period of time, and had inevitably fallen in love. It had been frightening and exhilarating, an adventure into the unknown, at least for Otacon, who had never been with a man before. Leon had opened up his deeper secrets, and Otacon felt almost scared of what he had found. Leon had taken away all those inhibitions, one step at a time, and Otacon found himself now at his mercy, wanting more, feeling a new sense of self-understanding that he had been searching for since Shadow Moses. He had indeed felt like a new man when he'd left Snake, and that new man had a lot to learn. He never thought he'd find his truth in a place like New York City, in a dingy club. Life always had surprises for him. Leon was one of them.

They'd met one night, when Otacon had lost his way. Entering the club to ask for directions, he felt a little nervous when he realized it was a gay club. In his curiosity, he'd tripped over a slightly drunk dancer and went spiralling a few feet through the air to land at the feet of Leon, his papers scattering everywhere. He scrambled down to pick them up in a hurry, scared of what people might see in this classified information.

Leon had bent down to help, and picked up the papers. Then, he looked shocked as through he recognized something. He knelt down next to Otacon, and whispered in his ear.

"What do you know about Metal Gear?" he uttered sharply, and Otacon knew he was in trouble.

However, it didn't turn out quite like that. It seemed that Leon had had a connection with Metal Gear, which made Otacon more nervous. Yet it seemed they shared a common curse – being involved in the creation of a weapon of mass destruction seemed to bring the same feelings of guilt and a wish to atone. But it wasn't only sorrow and pain they shared; they had so much in common. They both loved computers and hacking, and Leon had even seen a few anime in his time. Otacon was sure that he'd found the other half of him.

He'd lied to Snake – told him that he'd had to let him in on the secrets of Metal Gear, but he knew if he'd told the truth Snake would only suspect Leon more.

A voice cut through his dreams, and again he let it drift away, not catching hold of it. He was at peace now, and nothing could hurt him…

~

Snake was somehow faring better despite the fact he'd been shot multiple times, his enhanced genetics making him more resilient to injury than any normal human. He amazed doctors with his progress, and was soon grumbling about not having his smokes, which the doctors prohibited him from having in the ward. The shot to his leg stopped him from moving, so he couldn't do an awful lot. He wanted to ask about Otacon, but when he saw his own report he'd been given the name Gary, and he knew whoever had brought them here had had the foresight not to use their real names. He hadn't had any visits, though, and worried about Otacon's state of health, unable to ask the doctors. He wondered if Leon knew where they were, but if he did, why hadn't he been paid a visit?

His question was finally answered when he was well enough to walk. He told the doctors he was going to exercise, and they didn't argue, after he'd spent all that time in bed. They were glad to see a patient that was positive about his rehabilitation.

Snake used this opportunity to wander the wards, but he seemed to have no luck. He was feeling partly relieved, but partly worried. If Otacon wasn't in the hospital, he might have escaped injury, or been killed or taken hostage… Snake hoped it wasn't the latter. It was going to be some time before he was well enough to go on a mission. He doubted he was dead; Otacon had too much valuable information for anyone to just outright kill him.

He only had one ward left to search – and intensive care, he realized, knowing that there was yet another possibility – Otacon was in a life-threatening condition. He rushed as fast as he could on his bad leg to the intensive care unit, hoping to be able to rule out the worst.

~

Leon kept up his vigil, not leaving Otacon's side. He drank coffee, and ignored the protests of doctors and nurses that he should go home and get some rest.

"This is all my fault, Hal…" he whispered, on the 8th day. He'd taken some sleep after being dragged out of the ward by staff and offered a bed in a quite side room. Not normal hospital policy, they had informed him, but they said they didn't want to make him a patient too. After a rest, he had gone back to the coffee and bedside chatter, hoping that he could say something, anything to wake Hal from his coma.

"How could it be your fault? You weren't there…" came a gruff, suspicious voice from outside the curtain. Snake parted the curtain and walked in, anxious to probe Leon about this possible slip, "What the hell's going on! What did you…?"

Just then, he saw the myriad of wires attached to Otacon's comatose form, attaching him to various machines that monitored his heart rate and other vital signs. He closed his eyes and turned away. Otacon didn't deserve this…

"Maybe I should ask you the same, Solid Snake." Leon said, "You've suspected me of something ever since we met. Come out with it, Hal's hardly listening now, is he?"

Snake grunted, "Don't call me that here. I'm "Gary," remember? How come you had the foresight to give us both false names?" He walked to the end of the bed and pulled the clipboard off, looking at the name, "He doesn't look like a Nigel to me. Just who the hell are you, anyway?"

"The ex-engineer of the new Metal Gear. So yeah, you could say me and Hal have quite a bit in common." Leon said bitterly, "There you have it, now continue your interrogation, since I'm obviously guilty of betrayal, right?"

Snake looked at him intensely, "Show me some evidence to prove you aren't, and I'll believe you. I'm not as naïve as "Nigel" here."

"Don't be stupid," Leon said angrily, "There's no evidence I can give, except my word and some documents on the new MG. If you want my help in destroying it, I can give you that. In return, I need your trust!"

"What's to say you didn't use "Nigel" to lure me here?" Snake replied, determined not to back down. He didn't care who this man was, or what he was to Otacon, he could feel it in his bones that he was not completely on their side. He'd always trusted his instincts, and they'd never got it wrong yet. When his instincts failed, he would die, and he wasn't going to turn away from what he felt just to please Otacon. Especially when both their lives were at stake.

"I love him! Is that what you want me to say? Look, I don't know what kind of jealousy thing is going on here, but back off!" Leon gave a glazed, enraged look that told Snake he wasn't afraid to fight the much bigger man, despite the fact he would lose in a heartbeat.

"Woah," Snake said, "You've got that all wrong. Otacon and I just fought together and we went through a lot of shit. Maybe he told you about it, but I'm perfectly straight, thank-you-very-much." Snake was only being half-honest, but he didn't fancy revealing his sexual history to this stranger who was most likely a traitor of some kind.

"Oh, so you're a gay-hater, too? Great, just great. What the hell did Hal even respect in you, anyway?" Leon spat on the floor, "You're nothing but a jumped up "I saved the world so respect my ass" type."

Snake growled with anger. Every muscle in his body ached to lash out at Leon for twisting his words and using them against him, but he restrained himself with effort. This wasn't the place for a fight. They'd said too much as it was, and it was dangerous to speak more.

~

Shouting pulled him from the peaceful depths of his dream, which he fought to stay in. The depths of his memories were so inviting, so beautiful that he wanted to stay in them forever. No more fighting, no more pain… Just peace…

Leon held him close, tenderly running a finger down his naked chest. Their bodies moved together, moaning in heavenly bliss, two bodies as one, two spirits, two souls… They soared above everything, and Otacon felt loved, truly loved, for the first time in his life. The pleasure overloaded every sense, travelled through every synapse, their bodies moving in perfect rhythm… Moans escaped them, but then they changed to shouts, angry shouts…

_"Don't be stupid!" _

_"What's to say you didn't use "Nigel" to lure me here?" _

Otacon groaned, as if to wish it all away. He was so tired, why wouldn't they let him sleep…

_"I love him…"_

_"Otacon and I just fought together…" _

Snake… Snake was there… and Leon, too! Otacon suddenly felt more aware, more awake… But what was going on, were they fighting? He felt his eyes opening…

~

"Shhh!" said Snake, suddenly.

"What?" Leon said, still irritated at Snake's words. Then he heard a low groan from Otacon, and spun on his heel to see Otacon's eyes beginning to open. He sat back down on the chair and gripped Otacon's hand tightly.

"Hal, Hal, it's me, can you hear me?" Leon said hopefully. He pressed the emergency button to call the doctors, and when he turned around, Snake was gone.

~


	4. Chapter Four

Title: Atonement  
Rating: G/PG for this chapter   
Chapter: 4   
Contact: synth3sis@yahoo.co.uk  
Note: Short chapter, sorry. This one's a bridge to the next, which I PROMISE will be more action packed. Please keep reading, and thank you all for the reviews! 

The atmosphere in the small side room where Otacon lie was tense. A doctor left, having said all she could; Otacon was blind, most likely temporary due to the swelling in his face, but it could have more far-reaching consequences. Apart from that, he was slightly confused and had limited memory, but the doctor assured Leon that these symptoms were normal for someone waking from a coma. Apparently, all would come back in time. 

Alone once more, Leon sat down next to Otacon. He'd been moved out of intensive care, but he wasn't going anywhere fast. He held Otacon's hand, stroking it gently. 

"Hal, it's me, Leon… Do you remember who I am?" He hoped that Otacon would recognize him, his nearest and dearest. 

Otacon gave a low negative grunt, and Leon withdrew his hand, hurt by the lack of recognition. It was just his brain, fogged by the coma, he told himself, but there was a part of him afraid that Otacon would blame him somehow, or come out of this a different person and not need him anymore. 

A face peered around the door and then the figure snuck back in. It was Snake. 

"How is he?" Snake asked, "I couldn't get close enough to hear the doctor; there were orderlies everywhere…" 

"He's temporarily blind, but perhaps it will be permanent, and he doesn't remember much. He looked at the floor… He doesn't even know who I am." He stood up, wanting to go for another drink. Snake took his seat, and spoke softly to Otacon. 

"Hey, Otacon, the doctors say you'll be all right. You rest up; we'll take care of Metal Gear." He smiled warmly, forgetting for a second that Otacon couldn't see. 

"S…Snake?" Otacon recognized Snake, and Snake confirmed with a grunt. 

Leon stormed out of the room and down the stark corridor quickly, anxious to put as much distance between him and Snake as he could. It not only hurt that Otacon hadn't recognized him, but also that he'd recognized Snake straight away. Those two were too close… 

He felt anger bubbling in his veins, wanted to take on Snake for infringing on his territory. He would find a way to make Snake suffer…or at least to keep what was his. 

^*^ 

"I've got an idea." Leon stepped into the room, coffee in hand, looking determined. 

"Oh?" Snake said, wondering when they could finally get out of the hospital and go home. He ached for some action, and some revenge. 

"Metal Gear's not gonna wait for Hal to get better. We need to get moving, make some plans. You're well enough, now; get out of this hospital and make some plans, so when Hal gets out of here we can actually get moving." Leon perched himself against a radiator in the room, and quickly stood up again when the heat met him through his clothing. 

Snake didn't need to be a mind reader to know that Leon wanted him out of the way, but he really hated hospitals, and it did make sense to start making plans as soon as possible. They'd already lost a week being treated, and Snake was paranoid that someone would recognize him and alert others to his presence, and in turn put Otacon in danger. Metal Gear wasn't going to go away, the more they'd wasted time here, the closer it had come to completion. Otacon was out for the count as far as information went, with his brain fogged and memory incomplete, and he didn't trust Leon as far as he could throw him (which was probably quite a distance). 

"I'll go," he said, decided on his course of action, "I'll check into a new hotel; are you wired, Leon?" He tapped his ear, indicating his codec. 

"Yeah," Leon replied, "Frequency 146.19." 

Snake made a mental note and stood up. "Well, I'll check out and leave you guys to it. If anything changes, contact me at once." He spoke the words as an order; not a request, and Leon felt his tone was that of distrust and lack of respect. 

Snake closed the door behind him, and Leon sat down next to Otacon, "I dunno why you like that guy, Otacon; he's nothing but trouble. He'll betray you someday, you know that…?" 

^*^ 

Snake looked in the mirror, brushed his hair back. He felt a mess, and was exhausted, despite having had a lot of rest in the hospital. He sat down on the bed with only the clothes on his back – and even they weren't his. He'd gone back to Leon and told him he wasn't leaving in a hospital garb – finally letting his temper go, Leon had thrown Hal's clothes at him - "He won't be needing them anytime soon" – and told him to get out. 

He peeled the t-shirt off, it was tight, and Otacon wore everything baggy. They smelled like Otacon, and somehow the smell reminded him of Shadow Moses. Of course, they'd both smelled of sweat then; there was no time for a quick shower on the battlefield. To him, it was the scent of fear, exhilaration, and the limits of human endurance. He shrugged it off, and showered, letting the water wash away the bad memories. 

Leon. Snake could be sure as day that he had something to hide, and the revelation that he'd been the creator of the new Metal Gear only cemented that belief. How Otacon had ever trusted Leon enough to get into a relationship was beyond him. He knew there was a lot he didn't know; that only unnerved him more. 

Otacon had lied to him, too. He said he'd let Leon in on the Metal Gear secret… when he'd known all along. Snake felt bad for suspecting his best friend, too, but nothing seemed to add up… If only he'd been able to talk to Otacon that day… the day they were attacked… 

Then it dawned on him… and if his suspicions were correct, he and Otacon were in deep trouble. But he had no proof, and he knew the only way to find out the truth was to play along… He only hoped that he wouldn't sacrifice their lives in doing so.


	5. Chapter Five

Title: Atonement  
Rating: This chapter is G rated.  
Chapter: 5  
Feedback: Review or e-mail synth3sis@yahoo.co.uk  
Notes: Another short chapter. I PROMISE that the next chapter will actually get to the mission. To be honest, I wrote myself into a corner with the last one and had to get out of it. Got some great ideas in the process, though, which will definitely make it in later. As always, feedback is loved, enjoyed, and kept for all time. I also must apologize for the delay in this chapter; I've been ill the past couple of days but I'm trying hard to get on with it now. I may not always be able to post a chapter a day, especially when they get longer, so please bear with me and don't stop reading!  


Chapter Five. 

"So, when are we going to start this organization? We're wasting time." Snake complained gruffly, pacing the small hospital room where Otacon was recovering. Leon had perched himself on the chair at Otacon's bedside. Snake was tired of this same image, day after day; he actually wanted to get some work done.

Leon put a cup to Otacon's lips, "Drink this," he said, "It'll make you feel better."

"What is it?" Snake asked, constantly suspicious of Leon's intentions.

Otacon shoved the cup away, spilling the contents onto the bed, "Stop it!" he yelled, "Just stop it! I'm sick of seeing you fighting!" He slumped back on the bed, embarrassed by his outburst. Leon looked down at his feet, not knowing what to say. Snake knew one of them had to go; and he didn't want it to be him. He wanted to talk to Otacon…

Otacon seemed to share the same wish, "Leon… could you go for a while?"

Leon withdrew from the scene, but not before he gave Snake a look filled with hatred. Snake ignored it, and sat down next to Otacon as the door slammed behind them, signaling Leon's departure.

"I'm sorry, Snake," Otacon said, "It's just… You feel it too, don't you? Leon's not been the same man since you came along. At first, I thought it was just jealousy of our friendship, but it's something more…"

"You lied to me," Snake said, "You didn't tell me he was the former engineer of the new Metal Gear! What's going on, Otacon… I need answers." Snake's voice was gruff and held threatening undertones that made Otacon lower his head.

Following a suspicion, Snake put his hand in front of Otacon's face and moved it upward, and saw Otacon's eyes following it. So he could see!

"When did this happen, and how much can you see?" Snake asked, his voice now impatient and angry that his friend had lied to him not once, but twice.

"I'm sorry…" Otacon said, his voice sad and low, "I wanted to delay your mission, while I found out what Leon was up to… I thought the best way of achieving that was to continue to feign blindness. I've screwed up, Snake, and I need your help…"

"I'm not here to solve your personal problems!" Snake replied gruffly, "I'm here to get rid of Metal Gear, and if that means I have to go on a mission with someone who is obviously a spy, I'll take that chance. Stop hiding in this bed and help, or stay away!"

"I can't stay away," Otacon said, "I still love him…"

_Oh brother…_ Snake thought to himself, _this isn't gonna be easy… _

^*^

Three hours later, they were in a hotel room, planning out the anti-Metal Gear organization with their supposed spy. Otacon had discharged himself from the hospital saying he had partial vision, and they'd made a plan between them; they'd go along with Leon, go on the mission, and do the best they could despite the possible betrayal they faced. At the very least, Leon would lead them to Metal Gear; it would be their job to destroy it without being killed themselves. They both knew the job carried a lot of risk, but Otacon was desperate to know the truth about Leon, and Snake was anxious to get Metal Gear dealt with before it was mass-produced.

"So, do you have anyone else you wish to include in the organization? It seems a bit strange making an organization with three people," Leon said.

Otacon looked at Snake; he had someone in mind, too. He looked at Leon, and Leon gave him a reassuring smile.

"Yeah, there's a friend of mine called Mei-Ling – she created the Codec system and the Soliton radar system Snake uses on his missions," Otacon said, inwardly cursing himself for giving out unnecessary information. He needed to train himself not to trust Leon, but it was hard after having trusted him with so much of himself. The memories were painful now, and he found it hard to believe what he and Snake had been thinking. When Leon smiled, he felt like he'd betrayed Leon, not the other way around.

"Anyone else?" Leon asked.

"Well, there's a few people I know from the military who might like to help… if they're still alive," Snake suggested, "Apart from that, I think we should keep this operation small, in order to lower the chances of infiltration." He was even as he spoke the words, with just a little suspicious overtone to make it sound like he suspected Leon, but no more. Otacon was impressed by his show, but Snake felt like he was in a performance, and that Leon was pulling the strings.

"We'll have the mission ready in 2 days," Snake stated, "We're not waiting any longer than that for anybody. We've waited long enough for Otacon to recover, and can't afford to lose any more time."

"You got it, boss," Leon said, and Snake grunted. He _hated_ being called "boss". Otacon, seeing the scowl on Snake's face, chuckled, and for a second it seemed like nothing was wrong.

Otacon wanted that second to last forever.

^*^

"Brief me one more time," Snake insisted. The mission was about to start, and he needed to absorb as much information as possible before he left.

"Well," Leon said, "The target is a base on a small island in the Pacific which is owned by a millionaire named Peter Steinberg. He is hosting the Metal Gear project on his island in return for a sizeable amount from the United States government, and hiring the best scientists around to work on it. The complex there was custom built to develop and manufacture Metal Gear and its components, and has high security fences. Furthermore, the soldiers are using a prototype microchip implant to increase their senses and make them one hundred percent loyal. This technique was secretly developed just a few years ago by DARPA, after seeing the problems soldiers faced in the second Gulf war."

"So why weren't you fitted with one?" Snake asked, hoping to make Leon squirm.

"I'm not military. I was a civilian scientist hired to work on the project. But it got too much… They expected us to do terrible things… I don't want to talk about it." Leon looked as though he'd been given a slap in the face, and for a second Snake wondered exactly what he was hiding.

"I'm going into this. I need to know what I face, Leon. Otacon's going to be there beside me, facing the same dangers. If you have something to say, spit it out." Snake hated using Otacon as blackmail, but he needed to know the truth, if it was possible to wean it out of Leon.

"The pilot of Metal Gear has to hold a certain genetic pattern to operate it. We made it that way so nobody can steal this Metal Gear. They…we… cloned perfect pilots, but most of them died rather quickly. So many… dead clones… dead people…" Leon shuddered, "I don't know what you'll find there now, it's been a while, but be careful."

Snake decided he'd heard enough and called an end to the final briefing. The idea of human clones freaked him out, due to his own past. He'd faced the Genome soldiers at Shadow Moses, but they were simply normal soldiers with enhanced senses to detect intruders. Human clones… more clones of Big Boss? Would there be more "family" to come out of the woodwork? Snake was tired of family reunions. Liquid had been quite enough for a lifetime.

As he packed his trusty SOCOM for the mission he saw Leon and Otacon kissing passionately, groping each other like it was the last time they'd meet. Otacon hadn't ended his relationship with Leon; it would only arouse suspicion if he did, and Snake knew that Otacon loved him, as much as he suspected him. Snake wondered whose side he would choose if it came down to it: his or Leon's?

The thought disturbed him long after he slept, bringing dark memories to the surface and giving him nightmares of losing the only person he could call "friend".


	6. Chapter Six

Title: Atonement  
Rating: PG for this chapter  
Chapter 6  
Feedback: Review or synth3sis@yahoo.co.uk  
Notes: Seems it's another short chapter, but it reached a good moment and I didn't want to forcibly prolong it. Please keep reviewing, your input is always appreciated.

Chapter 6

"The insertion method is a rowing boat? Are you out of your mind?" Snake said, gruffly making his final preparations. _SOCOM and M9 guns… check… Rations… check_ , he thought, his mental checklist rolling by as he expressed his dissatisfaction with the arrangements Otacon and Leon had made.

"Well, we don't have much money, Snake," Otacon explained, "We've hired a fishing boat to take us in, but it's too risky to take such a big boat into shore. The only chance we have of getting in without being spotted is to use the rowing boat for the last mile or so. I'm sorry…"

"What's wrong with the boat?" Leon asked, "I would have thought Solid Snake would be used to these things! I doubt the military gave you a private jet for infiltration."

Snake thought of a rebuke, but didn't voice it. He instead continued with his preparations, painstakingly checking and double-checking everything he needed. He was tired of fighting with Leon, and it only seemed to make Otacon look drained and sad. Everything about this mission had been difficult; to make it harder, Mei-Ling had been unreachable and Snake's old military buddies were either dead or so far into retirement they'd forgotten how to fight. Snake wished he'd been able to start a new life like they had, but the battlefield called him like a siren's song; sweet, seductive and serene – and ultimately deadly. He pulled himself from his reverie as he counted his ammunition one last time; Leon had cleared his throat like he wanted to make a statement.

"I'm not coming with you immediately," Leon revealed, "I'll provide backup from the boat until you find the Metal Gear, then I'll leave the guy we hired to look after the boat and come after you. You'll have looked after the guards by then, right?"

"Don't be stupid," Snake replied, "Killing soldiers only alerts the enemy to an intruder presence. We're going in to destroy Metal Gear; human casualties are unwanted and to be a last resort." He was getting annoyed with Leon; he wanted the man where he could see him, not hidden away on the boat telling god-knows-who they were there. Was he purposely trying to annoy Snake? Did he know they were onto him? He'd seemed so transparent the past few days; Snake was beginning to feel the whole thing stank of a set up. However, he didn't have time to voice his suspicions.

"Snake," Otacon said, "To reach the island at the optimum time, we should leave now. We don't have any more time to waste here." Otacon folded his laptop down and put it under his arm, looking nervous about what they would face. He looked to Snake for reassurance, and Snake nodded to him and Leon.

"Let's go," he said, "Let's destroy Metal Gear, for all of humankind."

^*^

They were barely an hour into their mission when things started to go wrong. Snake was edgy, pacing the control room as the rain beat down on the boat, making it sway. Seasickness gripped him, and he took deep gulps of air to stop himself from being sick. He wasn't going to voice his weakness to Leon; he'd exploited every trick in the book to wind him up and he wasn't going to provide the guy with more ammunition.

The captain was a grumpy old man who kept quiet apart from the odd mumble to himself about his ship and how it'd become a mere taxi instead of the grand fishing vessel it'd once been. They ignored him, and he ignored them, and the arrangement seemed to work quite well.

Leon was slouched on the only spare seat in the room, reading a magazine on advanced computer usage. Otacon looked at him oddly; he knew Leon knew all the things that were contained in that magazine, and he felt pained to see their suspicions about him becoming more and more obvious. Everything he said, everything he did seemed to reek of betrayal, and yet he still wanted to believe in him, to love him… He repeated it over and over again in his mind; _Leon's a spy_ , but the more he said it the more painful it was to look at him, to see those intense eyes that had bared his soul, to see those lips that had cried out his name as they made love…

Just then, the boat shuddered and shook, and was still upon the water. The captain kicked a few things and looked around in disbelief. Otacon realized what was happening and his heart sank; the engine was dead, they were stranded in the middle of an ocean, miles from shore… they had to get it restarted! He looked at Snake, but he seemed not to have noticed, it was as if he was in a world of his own, also.

"Snake!" Otacon called to him, "The engine's died!"

Snake snapped out of his thoughts and rushed over to where Otacon was standing at the control panel. The captain was grumbling to himself how it'd been a reliable fishing boat for 30 years. Otacon tapped Snake on the shoulder and indicated he was going to check it out; Snake nodded to him and kept his eye on Leon, who was still calmly sitting with his magazine, acting as though nothing was wrong.

"Are you going to help, or not?" Snake said to Leon, who ignored him and continued reading. Snake was tired of his attitude; it was like having an insolent teenager to look after on top of the mission and the dangers they faced. He wanted to leave him behind on the ship, just so that they wouldn't have him in the way on the mission.

Snake went down to the engine room, fed up with the way the mission was unfolding. As he descended the old wooden steps into the back of the boat, he heard a scream. Otacon! He suppressed the urge to call out Otacon's name and pulled the M9 from his belt, sneaking around in the near complete darkness that filled the bottom of the boat. Every sense of his went into overdrive, compensating for the lack of light in the engine room. His heart beat in his throat, his mind contemplated a million different possibilities; from Otacon having stepped on a spider to him lying dead in a pool of his own blood. Snake pushed that last thought from his mind, focusing on what sight he had, and the sounds he could hear. His heart sounded so loud in the room, and he felt as though whoever was there could hear him a mile away.

He saw faint torchlight, and Otacon lying motionless on the floor. Two figures were there; one crouched down beside Otacon and the other looking around for anyone who had heard his scream. Snake kept himself concealed behind a wooden pillar, looking at the scene. Two against one; difficult odds in such a confined space, but not impossible. He would have to strike hard and fast, and he found himself wishing he'd pulled out the SOCOM instead of his M9 – the desire to save a few enemies' lives would do no good if Otacon were killed. He couldn't move until the soldiers turned away, and they didn't seem to be eager to do so.

Time seemed to stretch on forever as Snake waited for his chance; the infiltrators didn't seem to be in any hurry to leave, and didn't stop looking his way. It was almost as if they were waiting for something, Snake noted.

As a gun barrel pushed through the thick bush of hair on the back his head to press against his skull, he realized what. He didn't even need to turn around to see who it was holding the gun. Suddenly, the whole idea of just "going along with Leon" seemed stupid and poorly planned, and Snake cursed himself for ever thinking of it.

"I hope you didn't hurt Hal," Leon said to the two men who'd shot Otacon. They shook their heads in negative, and pointed to their guns. "Tvanquilizer dart," one said, in a very heavily Russian accented English.

_Typical, _ Snake thought, _Well, at least Hal's alive… _

That was the last thought he had before Leon struck him over the head and his knees gave way, and the last thing he felt was his face meeting the cold, hard wooden planks that made up the base of the boat.


	7. Chapter Seven

Title: Atonement  
Rating: PG-13 (mild, non-graphic sexual content)  
Chapter 7  
Feedback: Yes please! Review or write to synth3sis@yahoo.co.uk.  
Notes: Slightly longer chapter this time. Please enjoy, and review, even if you have done so already, since I need to know if I'm taking this in the right direction.

Chapter 7

Otacon could feel the cold of the snow under his feet, the cold wind of Shadow Moses Island chilling him to the very bone. The shot rang in his head again; he swore he would never be able to escape that sound, no matter how far he went or what he did.

Snake had killed her. Snake had betrayed him, in a sense. Knowing his love, he had still gone ahead and killed Wolf… his Wolf…

The dream changed, and he saw Wolf's eyes, cold and empty, "My life is empty," she had told him; "I live only for the dogs; they do not betray me and hurt me as humans do." Otacon had understood that; understood how it was to be shunned by humans. He too preferred animals to humans for company, and he'd found a kindred spirit in Wolf, a lost soul desperate for redemption, just as he was. He could not blame Snake for her death, as a soldier, he'd perhaps understood her better than he ever could have done.

Otacon had listened to her story as she lay dying, but it had been a long time before he realized death was her peace; life had only been filled with suffering. She had worked for Big Boss because he had given her a place to belong; she was bound to him for that, as Otacon was bound to Snake for saving his life and sharing his pain. Even after Shadow Moses had passed, he had not been able to forget that bond. When he was in trouble, he'd thought of Snake, and called Snake… and Leon somehow seemed to pale compared to that. Although he loved Leon, he'd been untruthful about a lot of things; although Leon had made him happy, he'd found himself filled with doubt and depression on many occasions because of him. He felt disillusioned that someone who he'd trusted with so much had turned on him in such a way. He knew his curse; all that were close to him suffered, and he couldn't help feeling that it was all his fault Leon had turned against him… Perhaps, if they hadn't suspected him so much…

Otacon felt himself shiver, and opened his eyes. Everything blurred into view in such a way it made him feel sick. He convulsed, and a glass of water was pushed to his lips.

"Drink," Leon said calmly. Wishing to calm the feeling of his stomach turning and somersaulting in different ways, Otacon took a sip, and then a gulp. His hand reached up and took the cup, and he drank more. He finished, wiped his mouth, and looked up at Leon.

"Leon, what's going on?" Otacon asked, still rather drowsy from the tranquilizer. He brought his knees up to his face, and looked at his surroundings; he was in an office very similar to that which he had at Shadow Moses, right down to the carpet tiles in different shades of green. The memory only scared him more, and he began to tremble.

"Hush," Leon said softly, and knelt down next to Otacon. Otacon wanted to turn away, to tell him to go away, anything, but he could not find the strength to turn away from his only security. Leon slipped his arms around him, and the warmth seemed comforting, safe, and secure. When he tried to tell himself it was all a lie, he was unable to believe it, and found himself nuzzling close to Leon, needing his closeness. Leon caressed his cheek gently, wiping away a tear that Otacon didn't even know he had shed. Leon's arms embraced him, trapping him with warmth and protection. His lips pressed against Otacon in passion and love, and Otacon felt his own body betraying him, clouding his doubts with desire.

"Trust me, Hal," Leon said, his voice soft and gentle, his eyes burning with intensity, "I will not let any harm come to you. I did it all for you, you know…"

Otacon found the man he wanted so much scared him. Leon looked at once seductive and frightening, a sweet smile evading his lips. His hands reached for Otacon, touching him in all the right places, those hands that knew him better than anyone making him moan.

"You want me, and I want you, Hal," Leon said, his voice sultry now, "We can do this together, we don't need to chase fate or listen to anyone else giving us a lecture on morality. Metal Gear can be ours, Hal… Then nothing will tear us apart."

Otacon forced himself to listen to his mind, "Metal Gear brings only destruction, Leon… Is that what you want, to bring fear to the world? You told me you'd turned your back on this project, why… why did you betray me?"

"I didn't betray you, Hal… I only want to give you all that you deserve…" Leon was stroking Otacon harder now, a smile of want and desire on his face. Otacon couldn't help but moan, Leon knew what he liked and took great pleasure in doing it.

"Metal Gear only brings sorrow… to all who are involved with it…" Otacon whispered; trying not to let Leon know how much pleasure he was receiving yet hiding it terribly. Tears built at the corners of his eyes, tears of pleasure and pain, of anger at his own weakness to Leon, despite all the pain he had caused him, he still felt himself yearning, wanting, desiring…

"You and I, Hal, we can take revenge on those who have wronged us, those who have hurt us. It is they who should atone for their crimes, not us!" Leon's voice was impassioned as he spoke the words, and he touched Otacon more. Otacon cried out as he reached climax, and Leon smiled. He stood up to leave. Otacon reached for him, but Leon backed away.

"I'll be back later," he said, "I just need to check on our "daughter"! Our dream will be fulfilled, Hal Emmerich, and you and I will go down in history!" He left the room.

Alone and frightened, Otacon's shed his tears silently. Where was Snake when he needed him? What was Leon going to force him to do? Why had he changed so drastically? Had he been blind to Leon's grand scheme all along? He pulled his knees back up to his chin, not even pulling his pants up. He felt dirty, and used; having been unable to properly speak his mind while Leon had been blinding him with desire. He assumed Leon had done it so that he would listen… He had been so weak, and so powerless… He beat his fists on the floor, unable to fight back the sobs that now racked his body. Leon had talked about revenge against those who had wronged them, but how did two wrongs make a right? Just what did he intend to do with Metal Gear?

Otacon fell into despair and didn't even think of finding a way out. His mind was filled with endless questions, and he gradually slipped back into sleep to be haunted by nightmares once again.

^*^

Snake woke to find his wrists and ankles bound, and a soldier stationed at the door. Whatever Leon had done, he hadn't underestimated him. He wondered where Otacon was now, and what he was doing. Was he bound too, or was he guest of honour? When it came down to it, what path would he choose? It hurt him to doubt his friend, more deeply than he cared to admit, so he decided to think about something else until the welcoming committee arrived. As it no doubt would in time.

He didn't have to wait long. Leon came sauntering through the door, gun in hand. Snake wondered if it were the end for him; Leon had never wanted him around, why would he start now?

"Solid Snake," Leon stated, his voice bold and arrogant, "Nice to see you again."

"So nice you brought a gun along to keep you company," Snake replied, no longer needing to hide under niceties. Even Otacon had to know now what a slimeball he'd been dating.

"This gun's just here to make you listen. The technique I used to make Hal listen I hardly care to use on you." He smiled, and made a motion with his hand to indicate what he'd done.

Snake gave him a look of disgust, "That's no better than rape!" he said, angry that this man had violated his friend.

"He could have pulled away," Leon said, "But he chose to hear me out. So I guess you're all alone, Solid Snake."

Otacon had betrayed him? He couldn't believe it, but he didn't know what to believe. He chose not to take anything as gospel until he got the full story from Otacon. He certainly didn't feel like trusting this guy, who had already proven himself to be a traitor.

"So, what do you have to say? I'm tired of the same megalomaniac routine. Let's see, you want to use Metal Gear to inflict fear and get revenge on someone who's wronged you, and you believe you're not taking orders from the top but in fact are?" Snake said sardonically.

"How'd you guess? Apart from the taking orders part, I work for myself. Of course, this is America's Metal Gear. I'm just borrowing it for a while with my little terrorist organization. It's about time people paid for all the suffering they've caused."

"Nobody's perfect, but that doesn't mean they need to die or live in fear of the nuclear threat." Snake replied, "You types are all the same; you all have twisted ideals that make you hypocrites. Didn't they teach you in school to treat others how you'd like to be treated?"

"The last person I need a morality lecture from is you," Leon spat, angrily, "You couldn't possibly understand the pain I've been through, the way people have treated me."

"You're right," Snake replied, "I don't have a clue what you've been through. But I've got a personal Hell of my own, and part of that is Metal Gear."

"Metal Gear doesn't need to be a curse… Just think, Solid Snake, what one could do with such a thing. The power balance needs to shift. No longer should we leave things in the hands of the "La-le-lu-le-lo"!"

"The what?" Snake asked, completely confused by this alien term.

"You'll learn all about them eventually, I'm sure," Leon explained, "For now, just think of them as the "powers that be". The ones who make the rules we have to follow. This is their Metal Gear, built for their twisted purposes. I'm just changing its purpose, Snake."

"Yeah, to take revenge, and you'll try to drag Otacon down with you!" Snake growled angrily, growing tired of conversation.

"Not at all," Leon replied, "Hal suffers the same as me; shunned by mankind, he searches for fulfillment. He thinks he can find it in being a philanthropist, but loving the human race that hurt him is just letting them win! They won't learn from his unconditional love! The world doesn't deserve Hal, and I'll teach him how to take revenge on those who wronged him!"

"You think that's what he wants, Leon?" Snake asked, "Otacon, despite having been hurt, still wants to make the world a better place. He chose this path; despite what you may think, I didn't brainwash him. We worked together to get out of Shadow Moses, and he made the decision to call me because he wanted to do something about this new Metal Gear!"

"You killed the woman he loved… and yet still he trusts you. Hal's naïve, Snake, and you've been using that to your advantage!" Leon pointed the gun at him, patience at an end.

"Think what you want," Snake said, "Only Otacon can choose the path he walks, and I think you'll find he won't co-operate with you easily."

"Enough small talk," Leon spat, "I'm the one asking the questions."

"Whatever," Snake said, "Just get it over with."

"Are you in love with Hal?" Leon asked.

Snake was shocked. He'd expected Leon to ask any number of questions about his military background, about his past with Metal Gear, but not this.

"I told you, he's a friend," Snake replied, "I like women, personally."

"Liar!" Leon scowled, and pulled the trigger.

^*^

Otacon was awoken by a gunshot and a scream. A male scream, so this time it wasn't another dream of Sniper Wolf's death…

It was real, and that scream…

"Snake!" Otacon yelled to himself, pulling himself from his sleepiness instantly. He pulled his pants up and worked out which direction the shot came from. Fear wrenched at his guts, wondering if Smake was alive… He didn't even know if he would be able to get out of the office, but he had to try. Rushing to the nearest door, he pulled it, and to his surprise, it was open. So Leon wasn't keeping him prisoner, he noted. The shot had been loud, as though it came from just a couple of rooms down the corridor. Otacon tiptoed down the stark hall, even though it was virtually free of guards. There was one, stationed outside the room he assumed Snake was in. He dived into an alcove, wondering how he was going to get into the room. He waited what felt like an eternity, and then the guard clutched his stomach in agony.

"Dammit!" he cried, "Not again…!" He broke into a run, and soon disappeared down the hallway, desperate to find a bathroom. Otacon couldn't believe his luck…

^*^

Snake clutched his right arm, blood pouring from the wound. He gritted his teeth at the pain, desperate not to cry out, to show weakness in front of Leon. Leon had shot through the cord that bound his hands, which was a small blessing, but his right arm was bleeding profusely and Snake knew he was in trouble if he didn't get it bandaged soon.

"I told you the truth," Snake groaned, "What more do you want from me?"

"I want you to leave us alone," Leon said, "I want you to throw away these petty ambitions of destroying Metal Gear, and just accept that it is the dawn of a new era in nuclear weapons! I created Metal Gear, and now the agents of the "La-le-lu-le-lo" are out of the way, I claim it for my cause; the annihilation of mankind for their sins!"

"You sound like some crazy cult leader," Snake scoffed, "Humankind can redeem itself; but that cannot happen without first making mistakes." He clutched his arm tighter, but the blood flowed through his fingers like water. He wondered how long he had to live; Big Boss's genes, no matter how resilient, didn't make him immortal.

"Atonement is not bought with violence and arrogance, but earned with humility and the wish to do good," Otacon piped up, standing in the doorway, his eyes filled with anger as he saw Snake's bleeding arm.

"H… Hal, what are you doing here?" Leon said, shocked by his presence.

"A gunshot woke me from my sleep, and it seems you forgot to lock the door." Otacon said, his voice hard and cold as Snake had never heard it before, "Let me treat him," Otacon demanded, looking at Snake.

"Have it your way!" Leon replied, backing down, "Since I can't trust you anymore, Hal, you are also my prisoner now. You should have taken my offer when I was feeling generous." Leon pointed the gun at him, backing off towards the door. He closed it behind him, and Otacon heard the lock click. They were trapped.

Otacon rushed to Snake's side, "My god, did he really shoot you?"

"Yeah," Snake replied, "Otacon…" Otacon nodded; he knew Snake didn't have much time.

"Where would the first aid kit be…?" Otacon mumbled to himself, pulling open cupboards frantically in his struggle to find something to help Snake. As he got closer to the last cupboard without finding a single thing, his search became more frantic and desperate.

"Don't give up, Snake!" he cried, seeing Snake look white from blood loss. If he didn't act soon, Snake would pass out. He didn't want to be alone, stuck in a place where every wall, every cupboard, even the smell reminded him of the horrors of Shadow Moses.

Emerging from the last cupboard with a relieved look, he rushed to Snake's side, putting down the green first aid box and opening it. He pulled out the gel bandages, designed to make the blood clot, opened the packet with his teeth, and wrapped it around the wound. He knew the bullet was still inside Snake's arm, but there was no time and no facilities to remove it. Snake nodded in understanding and leaned back against the wall. Otacon pulled off the rope that tied Snake's legs together, and tossed it aside.

"Where's my smokes?" Snake asked, and if the situation hadn't been so dire, Otacon would have chuckled at Snake's habit or given him a little lecture on the effects of smoking on the body. Right now, he was glad Snake was still alive, and reached into Snake's pocket to find his packet of cigarettes and lighter. Otacon lit a cigarette for him, and popped it into the corner of Snake's mouth, and Snake promptly lifted his left hand to move it. He inhaled deeply, and breathed out the smoke, feeling relieved.

"Thanks for coming to my rescue, Otacon. I never thought I would say that, but…" Snake chuckled to himself and changed the subject, embarrassed at his mushiness, "That boyfriend of yours is more trouble than he's worth."

Otacon sat back against the wall next to Snake, using it to prop him up, "I'm sorry, Snake… I was so naïve that I honestly believed he'd turned his back on Metal Gear. I can't believe I fell for it!" He shook his head and closed his eyes, resting his head back against the hard bricks, "Maybe I was wrong, Snake. Two people can't change the world, no matter what good intentions they have. Perhaps it's useless to try."

"Don't be like that," Snake said, "Yes, you are naïve, but it's refreshing to have someone with a positive outlook around. And the odds are always against us, but it doesn't make it impossible to make some change in the world. If odds were correct, I would have been dead a long time ago. About relationships… well, I hardly chose well when I fell for Meryl." He took another drag of his cigarette, and slowly puffed out the smoke.

"You mean that, Snake?" Otacon replied, reassured by Snake's words.

"Yeah, I mean it. Do you have an MRE? I feel weak," Snake said, and Otacon rummaged in his lab coat for a Meal Ready to Eat, the military rations that they took on every mission. Filled with all the nutrients any soldier needed for quick healing, Snake would have been dead long ago without them. Though how he managed to consume them during battles, Otacon could only guess. He pulled one from his pocket and gave it to Snake, who tore it open with his teeth and devoured the contents with amazing speed.

"Thanks," Snake said, "Now, can we get the hell out of here? I'd like to stop that crazy boyfriend of yours before he feeds everyone a nuclear diet."

"Sounds like a plan to me," Otacon replied, Snake's practical attitude and strong presence overriding the confusion and sorrow he felt at Leon's betrayal.

Otacon walked over and looked at the keypad, "Standard issue four-digit number code. The combinations are such that we might be here for a very long time. I could short it, but it's most likely connected to an alarm system that will be triggered by any tampering."

"How many tries do we have at the code?" Snake asked, squashing the butt of his cigarette into the wall for lack of an ashtray.

"I'd presume endless, but we can't risk more than three chances without triggering an alarm," Otacon sighed, thinking of possible numbers Leon might use.

"Well, you know him better than me," Snake replied, "This one's up to you."

Otacon typed in a number, and got a low beep and a red light, "Dammit," he said, "Should have known he wouldn't be that obvious."

"Take your time," Snake reassured, "Calm down and think it over."

Otacon backed against the wall and slid down it, deep in thought. It was many minutes before he stood up and inputted another number, only to once more get the beep of denial.

Sweat was breaking out on his forehead; he gulped, "There's only one more number I can think of that he'd use, unless he just randomly assigned a number… Shall I try it?"

"Might as well," Snake replied, knowing he wouldn't be able to come up with any better suggestions.

Otacon typed in the four-digit code, and a green light lit up; Otacon fell to his knees in relief.

"Let's get the hell out of here," Snake said, hauling himself to his feet, "What were the numbers, anyway?"

"The first one I tried was my birthday, then Leon's birthday. The correct one was the anniversary of our meeting, 0619. I knew he'd be obvious, but it makes me feel almost as if he wants us to escape, you know?" Otacon shifted his feet in nervousness.

"We'll cross that bridge when and if we come to it," Snake replied, and they left the room, Snake checking the corridor before jumping out. He beckoned to Otacon, and he followed along, a million thoughts racing through his mind.


	8. Chapter Eight

Title: Atonement  
Chapter 8   
Rating: PG  
Feedback: Thanks so much for the reviews! Sorry for yet another short chapter, but my stomach is acting up, so it was a mammoth challenge to get a chapter out today at all -_-;; I hope you all like it as the plot thickens… There's still a lot to come! 

Chapter 8

"Does this place remind you of somewhere, Otacon?" Snake asked, wondering if it was just his imagination that everywhere looked like… 

"Shadow Moses," Otacon finished Snake's thought, and a shudder racked his body like someone had just walked over his grave. 

"You alright?" Snake said, noticing Otacon's reaction. 

"Yeah, just bad memories…" Otacon said gloomily. They continued in silence, neither wanting to make conversation, and Snake had to be silent and look out for guards. They didn't really know where they were going, but Snake needed a weapon, fast. The guards were few and far between, but when they came they were extremely vigilant and Snake was afraid they'd soon be spotted, and weaponless they wouldn't stand a chance. Not that Snake could do much with a gun once he got it; his right hand was basically out of action, and it seemed even the clone of Big Boss wasn't blessed with ambidexterity. 

Snake pulled himself up against a wall and peered around the corner into a room. Seeing nobody inside, but some crates possibly filled with weapons, he ushered Otacon in and followed closely behind. Once they were both in the room, alarms sounded and the doors came down and locked shut. Snake heard a hissing sound and knew the room was filling with gas. He looked up and saw a camera, its red light glowing eerily at them, and cursed for not noticing it. 

"Lie flat, don't move and don't talk!" Snake ordered Otacon, who quickly complied. Snake rushed to the crates and pulled out a SOCOM pistol and ammo, and knew it was all over. No gas mask, as he had faintly hoped. He moved over to Otacon and knelt down beside him, coughing deeply as the poison gas filled his lungs. 

"Otacon," he said, "I'm sorry…" 

"Don't talk…" Otacon replied, barely daring to breathe, taking small breaths in hopes that it would make him live longer. 

"Bit late to worry about that now," Snake wheezed, and embarked on a deep coughing fit, the gas choking him, "Hal… I wish life had been kinder to you… I'm a soldier, ready to die at any time… But you…" He wheezed, unable to talk any longer, he lie flat next to Otacon. 

Otacon looked across at him, "At least I could die… fighting for what I believed in, next to the man I believed in…" He coughed, his frail body suffering worse than Snake, despite his efforts to stay alive. He took Snake's hand in his and clasped it tightly, and closed his eyes, waiting for the final moment. 

Snake heard a whoosh, and the doors opened. Summoning all of his strength in one final effort, he picked Otacon up and made it outside the door, coughing at the fresh air that burned his lungs. He could make it no further, and fell to his knees, putting Otacon down as gently as he could. He took deep breaths, coughing out the poison that filled his lungs. Every sense of his wanted to shot down; every past of him wanted to give in to the darkness, every muscle ached, but he used every last ounce of strength to stay conscious. Coming round a little, he checked Otacon's pulse, it was weak, and he wasn't breathing. He pressed his lips to Otacon's to administer the kiss of life, giving him breath he could ill afford to part with, but had to if he wanted Otacon to survive. His lungs burned from the effort, but still he took deep breaths of air and gave them to his scientist friend. Snake was tainted with the blood of many, but Otacon deserved to live; his only crime had been naivety, and Snake refused to let that be punished with death, even though the rules of the battlefield dictated that only the strong survived. Even they didn't always make it, but Snake refused to give into battlefield logic, not when it concerned Otacon's life. 

Snake was relieved when Otacon coughed and opened his eyes; he bowed his head in relief and exhaustion. Otacon was safe; and in that moment he realized he cared about nothing else. 

^*^ 

"Everything is going as I suspected," Leon lied to himself, looking out of his observation window at Metal Gear, "I knew he would betray me for that Solid Snake… What does he have that I don't…? Strength, maybe, but I can offer him strength if he wants it!" 

"Sir, ze Metal Gear iz veady for launch!" one of Leon's men said in a thick Russian accent, saluting to his boss. 

"Take it to the rendezvous point. My father will be waiting there. Keep an eye on him and the Metal Gear; I don't trust him!" Leon ordered, his eyes narrowing in anger. He hated having to rely on his father again; but this time it seemed the only way out of the situation. 

"Vat vill you do?" the soldier asked. 

"I'll come along later. I have a thieving pest and a cheating boyfriend to deal with…" Leon said, drawing a gun from his belt and looking at it intently. "Clear out this place, too. I want to deal with them personally," Leon said, "Dismissed," and he shooed the soldier away with his hand as though he were a pest, and continued to look out upon Metal Gear. 

"I'm waiting for you, Hal…" he said, staring out of the window, "Come to me now, lover… Neither you nor I can escape our fate…" 

^*^ 

"How are you feeling?" Snake asked his friend. They were both propped up against the wall of the corridor, recovering slowly from their near-death experience. 

"Okay, I guess… But where are all the guards? It's eerily quiet…" Otacon observed. 

"Good thing, really… We'd be dead otherwise," Snake replied, "Although it does seem strange. That door opening, too… There was a camera in there. Leon must be watching us." 

"This is getting creepy," Otacon said, "To think I trusted that guy…" He looked sadly down into his lap, ashamed of how blind he'd been. Leon's touch still felt fresh on him, and he felt dirty and abused. 

Snake looked at him, "It's not your fault, Otacon," he said, "How were you to know he was a slimeball?" 

"You knew," Otacon replied, "You saw right through him, and at first, I thought it was just a personal difference… But, after the shooting, he changed. He kept asking strange questions in the hospital. I think he knew you were onto him and was threatened by that. That's why I pretended to be blind; I wanted to find out the truth before we embarked on a mission with him… I felt terrible for doubting him. Even now, a part of me begs for some kind of rational explanation; that he's some kind of double agent on our side or something…" He sighed, looking older than he usually did, his eyes filled with sadness. 

"Talking about that… Have you ever heard of an organization known as the "La-le-lu-le-lo"?" Snake asked, while he had the opportunity. 

"Sounds like some kind of code-name for something," Otacon said, "Do you know anything else about them?" 

"Leon only described them as "the powers that be"," Snake repeated what he had learned, "So it's possible he could be working for the government, but whether it's the American government or the leadership of some rouge state, I don't know." 

"The men on the boat were Russian," Otacon said, "So maybe it's the Russian government masterminding all this." He shrugged, "We can analyse all the details later, but right now we need to find this Metal Gear and at least try to put it out of action. Only then will we get to the bottom of Leon's intentions." 

"Yeah," Snake agreed, "Let's go, Otacon." He rose to his feet, and offered a hand to Otacon, who took it and stood somewhat shakily next to Snake, still not fully recovered from the gas. He gave Snake a weak smile, and Snake gave him a pat on the back, and they continued deeper into the bowels of the facility, not knowing what trials lie ahead…


	9. Chapter Nine

Title: Atonement  
Rating: PG-13  
Chapter 9  
Feedback: synth3sis@yahoo.co.uk or review  
Notes: Things get dark. Things get twisted. Enjoy, in a twisted sort of way.

Chapter 9

Snake looked around. They'd come down yet another flight of stairs, and this level was darker than the last. There were no windows, and he knew they were deep underground by now. He wondered how the Metal Gear launched; maybe it was designed to launch into the ocean, and that was why they'd built it underground.

The room was like a giant warehouse, with a single room inside it that seemed to lead somewhere. Otacon had left his side and gone to peer inside; Snake grumbled to himself. The lack of guards was unnerving, and his senses still told him to beware; they were, after all, in enemy territory, and the fact that there were no guards indicated some kind of trap.

Snake reached the doorway, where Otacon had already gone inside.

A blood-curdling scream cut through the air; Snake had never heard anything like it, and automatically rushed inside, drawing his SOCOM with his left hand. The scream was Otacon's, and Snake soon saw why. Otacon sat in the middle of the room, shaking, head in his hands, unable to look at the sight before him, still screaming, unable to emit any other sound.

The room was fitted with tanks along the walls; filled with inert human forms. Clones, Snake noted. Their eyes stared straight forward, trapped in death, fixed in a stare that chilled to the bone.

And all the clones were of Otacon.

^*^

Leon was tired of pacing the room. He looked up at the walls, filled with pictures of his beloved. Hal would understand eventually what it was to be loved by him, Leon thought. He sat down and flipped through a pile of journals; all contained articles Otacon had written, and Hal Emmerich was his, always. He would take revenge with him, or die with him; Leon didn't care which anymore. Anything for what he wanted…

He laughed; knowing his father would disapprove of his hobby. Technically, it had been his idea, he had said to keep an eye on Otacon, and find out what his plans were. He didn't know he would become so… obsessed. Ah, Hal Emmerich, so sweet and innocent, so intelligent and _perfect_ . He hadn't meant to get so close, but now Hal burned in his blood, like every breath he took…

He knew it was a twisted fate; he would be gone soon anyway. If he didn't get shot by the only man who'd understood his pain, then his body would soon disintegrate; there were side effects to being sold off by your father for military experiments. The world had shunned him, his father had destroyed him – was it really so illogical to wish revenge? The only joy in his life was Hal, and even he had been taken from him by a soldier. Leon hated soldiers and the military, they were all pawns of the Patriots.

The "Patriots" experiment had been to enhance his brain and body – and the chemicals they had used still flowed in his bloodstream. They wanted to make super soldiers out of ordinary men, but the whole thing had been a disaster and they'd moved onto cheaper methods like the Genome Therapy program. Part of him wasn't even human; he knew there were several microchips in his brain that had taken away fear and enhanced his thought processes. He was a DARPA lab-rat, and why they'd let him live he didn't know. As far as he knew, they were still monitoring him; he wondered dryly if he'd been a success after all.

He looked out upon Metal Gear; he'd leave the launch until they arrived, a spectacular show of might to Otacon and that bastard Snake. Snake knew nothing about him; he had no right to be involved, but Otacon had dragged him in; looked to the soldier for protection instead of him. Leon looked at his soldiers milling about like ants; and the pilot, strapped in the throne of power. A work of art, and a fitting tribute to his beloved, he thought, as he looked back to the journals on the control panel. Now all he needed were the stars of the show… and then the grand finale could begin.

^*^

"The hell is this?" Snake yelled, filled with anger and disgust at the same time. He knelt down next to Otacon, who had now stopped screaming and was sobbing, refusing to open his eyes to the hideous sight before him.

"He's twisted, Otacon," Snake said, "That's why we have to find him and put an end to his crazy plans!" Snake put his arm around Otacon warmly; Otacon shivered at the touch, weeping quietly to himself. Even Snake didn't look at the wall; the sight was burned into his brain forever. He'd seen killing, he'd seen pain, but this was something else, something more psychologically terrifying then plain blood and gore.

"I need you, Hal," Snake continued, using Otacon's real name to reassure him, "You're the only one who can help me destroy this Metal Gear." He looked around the room; there were some corpses in the corner; more clones, Snake presumed. The longer they stayed here, the worse it became; it was as if a million eyes were casting judgement on them, a million cold, staring, lifeless eyes hidden in the shell of a man he trusted, a man he called friend, a man who had taught him many things, even when he thought there was nothing else he could learn about life. He wouldn't let Leon take that away from him with this twisted freak show.

When Otacon opened his mouth, it was to scream again. Then he took a deep breath, eyes still closed, and nuzzled close to Snake, who held him tightly.

"Otacon, I can carry you out of here. The steps down to the next level are in here. You can keep your eyes closed; I won't let you come to any harm, or open your eyes until we're in a better place. Nod your head if that's okay." He could feel Otacon's body trembling close to him, he nodded gently, and unfurled from the fetal position he was in so that Snake could carry him.

Snake looked down at his arm; it would hurt to carry Otacon, as it had when he'd pulled him from the gas room, but he knew Otacon was shaking too much to walk, and he didn't want him to fall into one of the glass tanks or the pile of corpses… he was scarred enough as it was. Snake picked him up, forcing back a grunt at the pain in his arm, and carried him through the hall of terror, barely able to look himself at the bodies floating in liquid, but concentrating only on getting the terrified, trembling form in his arms to safety. He rushed down the steps, glad to leave the horrors behind him. He knew he would never forget the sound of Otacon's scream or the look of those lifeless eyes as long as he lived.

^*^

"You and I… we could still bring the Patriots down together," Leon said, pacing the control room with his gun in hand, "Mankind will pay for their crimes, and we can start a new era!" He chuckled to himself.

A beep indicated a camera had picked the intruders up; Leon walked over to the console and watched Otacon's reactions to the clones. He saw Snake carry the fragile scientist from the room and burned in anger.

"You have stolen my love, captured his heart… Perhaps I can only win it back with a bullet," he said, bringing the gun up in a graceful arc. He let his arms drop, and shook his head; he knew he was crazy. The lead in the microchips was driving him to insanity, after years of poisoning his blood. It had taken all his efforts to act normal when close to Otacon; but this mission was his final hope at redemption through revenge. Even if he died, the clone of Otacon encased in the Metal Gear would be able to carry out his commands; that's what they'd been born for… to take revenge for their love, and revenge for their pain. It had been easy to take Otacon's DNA for the clone creation, and it seemed perfect to immortalize the man as he felt deserved to live forever. To the science journals he was just another name; to the Patriots he was nothing but a thorn in the side; to Snake he was just another conquest, he was sure; but the world would soon know the name of Hal Emmerich, burn it upon their brains, and have fearful respect for the man who had brought judgement on mankind! Nobody knew Leon; he was some forgotten experiment, he would be written off as just another nameless terrorist; but they would fear Hal, and that's why he'd chosen him as the pilot. Only his genetic code could activate Metal Gear; he'd made it that way when working as the designer. All those absences from Hal in the past year hadn't been questioned; he truly was naïve, Leon thought. But that purity was what made him perfect to rain judgement on the human race in Leon's mind. The Patriots, and the mindless society that they controlled to ignore the injustices of the world, would all be destroyed for their sins by a pure being. It all seemed so poetic to Leon that he smiled; life was a play, and everyone was performing their parts spectacularly. He felt no need to atone for his sins, for his redemption was at hand. The blood of those who had acted against him would soon be spilled in vengeful justice.

^*^

Snake was relieved to find a bare corridor in which he could set Otacon down. He rested him down against the wall, and nursed his arm, which had bled again. Once he was done, he knelt down beside Otacon.

"You can open your eyes now," he said, "This is just a bare corridor."

Otacon opened his eyes, trusting his friend to have brought him away from that hideous sight. The light blinded his eyes after the darkness, and he shielded his face against it.

"Leon's crazy," Otacon said shakily, needing to speak after his ordeal, to say anything. "He told me about his childhood… apparently his father sold him to be a test subject for DARPA… But he never told me what they did to him… I thought he was okay, Snake. I thought he'd suffered and could take it, could get on with life. I never expected this…"

"We all misjudge people," Snake replied, thinking of how Meryl had left him. He didn't care what she was doing now, or even if she was alive, but he regretted having ever met her, "I should have come with you, we could have started this organization ages ago, instead of me sitting in Alaska drinking too much."

"We can't go back, Snake… All we can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other, keep moving on until we find our path. I need to face Leon, Snake, I need to end this madness. The Leon I know is gone, perhaps he never truly existed. I can't go back and change it all now…" Otacon said, determinately, "Snake, help me face the future… I'm scared," he admitted, remembering the staring eyes of his dead clones once more.

Snake put his hands on Otacon's thin shoulders, "We can do this, Otacon, we can destroy Metal Gear and go home. Then we can retire, or hunt down more Metal Gears… we'll see. But right now, we need to get through this mission, and we need to do it together."

Otacon managed a faint smile, "Okay, Snake… Let's do it."

Snake reached for Otacon's hand, and took it in his. He guided him, teaching him a secret handshake, "Now try it," Snake said, and they performed the handshake, embracing each other at the end.

They parted, and stood up, filled with new resolve.

"Let's go," Snake said, and the walked the lengthy corridor side by side, determined to put an end to Leon's plans and Metal Gear – together.


	10. Chapter Ten

Title: Atonement  
Chapter 10  
Rating: PG-13  
Feedback: synth3sis@yahoo.co.uk or review  
Disclaimer: Metal Gear Solid belongs to Konami, and Hal Emmerich (Otacon) and Solid Snake are not mine. Leon, however, is. The events that happen in this story are a **work of fiction** and anything that happens is NOT a reflection on any government agencies or what goes on in them. To be honest, I really don't know what they all get up to in their lunch hour, or even if they have one. :P All characters in this story are fictitious and any resemblance to real persons, either living or dead, is purely coincidental.  
Notes: The experiments that happened to Leon were not all my imagination; you might want to read this. (www)(dot)rense(dot)com(slash)general40(slash)bio(dot)htm (dot, slash etc represent the symbols, ff.net does not like links) If this is true, it's deeply disturbing, but if it's not, well, it fits well into a story such as this.

Chapter 10  


The observation deck/control room wrapped around the Metal Gear, a spiral metal staircase leading around the giant war machine up to the deck where Leon now stood, surrounded by pictures and reminders of his obsession, his Hal. Gun in hand; he waited for the final confrontation. His senses told him that the moment of destiny would soon arrive, the moment when his dream would begin, whether he lived or died.

He laughed, for he had won. Metal Gear was ready for launch, its pilot created for the final battle. Humans would remember the day when the nuclear holocaust began for the rest of civilization's existence. Even if his father tried to interfere, Metal Gear could go into hiding. Hal's clone was intelligent enough to think of self-preservation, but hopefully would display none of the real Hal's emotional responses. He'd used the offspring of the technology that had been used on him, in a bizarre twist of fate. Ethics didn't matter to a broken man, for the end justified the means, even if it meant being as bad as those he intended to destroy. Once everything was gone, there would never be another him, never be another Metal Gear. Some people would survive, and perhaps next time they'd choose a better path for their brothers, born from despair, humans would be servile and filled with humility; instead of being arrogant and choosing to play God with their children.

The soldiers no longer swarmed the Metal Gear; they had retreated to the various control rooms, waiting to launch Metal Gear on his command. Now he was just waiting for his guests to arrive and witness the spectacle of the launch.

He saw two shapes beginning to climb the staircase and readied himself. He was calm; but a small part of him feared the disapproval Otacon would give when he heard his plans. If only he knew that all he wanted was a world full of people like him… and revenge on the ones who had abused their powers. Soon, he would know, and the end would come, for better or for worse.

*^*

It towered above them, the Metal Gear to end all Metal Gears. Giant rockets were on its back, ready to launch it upwards. A giant, presumably nuclear, missile was loaded on its back, making it a mobile weapon of mass destruction. Seeing this harbinger of doom brought everything into perspective, made all the suffering and fear they had been through seem worth it – they were going to destroy this terrible creation, and its destruction could only bring good to the world in the form of preventing a terrible new nuclear age. Despite all their flaws, both Snake and Otacon felt that people deserved peace and freedom from the fear that Metal Gear could bring to the world if it was revealed.

"This could spark the arms race all over again," Otacon said with a mixture of awe and fear in his voice, "Once the world found out about a weapon like this, every nation and state would be struggling to obtain the plans to build one of their own. This one is far more dangerous than Rex, by the looks of it."

Snake heard laughing from above. He pointed upwards, "We're expected, Otacon."

Otacon felt his stomach knot at the recognition of that sound, that voice that belonged to Leon, the man he had made love to and the man that had created those clones… It was hard for Otacon to think of them as the same person; and he knew if he thought too hard he would not be able to move forward at all. But the yearning in his heart for the truth burned at him and drove him to climb to the top, to face Leon as friend or foe; or both. He rushed forward, beginning to run up the spiral steps that led upwards, his feet clanging on the metal steps as he rushed upwards. Snake followed, wanting to keep up with the scientist that rushed into danger without thinking. But Snake knew that if he stopped, he would not be able to continue, and therefore did not call after Otacon. This was Otacon's battle perhaps more than it was his own, he had to face the truth, see it with his own eyes, experience it in order to accept it, destroy everything he wanted to believe in order to move on.

Snake stopped him just a little way from the top, and put the SOCOM into his hand, "This is your battle. Take it," he said, and pointed to his arm to indicate that it wasn't much use to him anyway. Otacon's hands closed around it, and Snake's hands rested on his. Otacon nodded slowly, and held the gun as he walked the final twenty or so steps to the top, breathing deeply, his body filled with adrenaline and fear. Snake was right behind him, supporting him, guiding the mission to its conclusion by his sheer presence. Otacon could not turn back, because Snake had faced fear, and he knew he had to as well. It was a man's fight, and his destiny awaited him. He climbed the past few steps and dived onto the observation deck, gun pointed forward. Not a word escaped his mouth, no shout of "Freeze!" as Snake would yell. The fact that he was pointing a gun at the man who had been his lover spoke volumes by itself, and words would have been forced and false.

"Hal…" Leon looked up from a science journal with Otacon on the cover, but kept his gun down. Otacon noticed the journal and looked around the walls… Everywhere he looked there were images of him, things he'd written, things he'd done… It was as if Leon had collected his entire life and placed it here… his history, all the things he'd done, all the things that pained him and that he regretted… all the things he'd been proud of and accomplished. Leon was obsessed with him, and Otacon was scared of this obsession that had prompted the man to collect an entire room of him… It was as if the man had stolen his very soul. Even Romanenko's book of the Shadow Moses incident sat on the desk; Otacon picked out a newspaper article of his father's suicide on the wall, and he shuddered.

"Leon," Otacon said, "You need help… I know you went through hell because of your father, but why…" He ran out of words to say, words to confirm all the thoughts that were running through his head. This room was the missing link between the lover and the villain he'd become, and in that moment it all struck Otacon with frightening clarity. He felt as if a dagger had been plunged into his stomach, such was the physical pain of his realization.

"Hal," Leon repeated, "Hal, you can still join me… With Metal Gear, I'm going to take revenge on all the people who have done us wrong! All the pain you've been through, my love… Wouldn't you like to see them pay for it? Wouldn't you like to see them suffer?"

"No," Hal said clearly and precisely, "I never want anybody to suffer as I have. Pain and sorrow… I wanted to destroy Metal Gear to atone for my sin against humanity, for I was the creator of Metal Gear Rex, as I told you, Leon. Metal Gear can only bring suffering to the human race. It has no capacity for good. I didn't realize this at the time… I didn't know the monster I was creating, but now I know, and I cannot let this Metal Gear be launched." He held the gun firmly, not letting his resolve waver, summoning every ounce of strength in his mind and body, "Revenge and arrogance only continue the cycle of suffering…"

"But the cycle can end! From suffering, from the ashes of mankind, will be born humility. No longer will arrogance rule the world; playing God will be over when humans have no power. I want to give humans a second chance to choose a path, a chance to atone for all the mistakes they have made. There will never be another me; I will make sure of it. Metal Gear will bring deliverance to mankind, and so will you, Hal!" Leon gestured to the cockpit, where a clone of Otacon sat blankly, connected to all the equipment, "Only your genetic code can activate Metal Gear, and I wondered if you'd co-operate… But only you have a pure enough heart to rain fiery justice on mankind; I wanted you to be the pilot, wanted you to survive and change the world…"

"I'm not what you think I am," Otacon said, lowering his gun hesitantly, "I carry as many sins, as much responsibility on my shoulders as anyone else does; perhaps more. Killing people doesn't give them a chance to change, and it doesn't breed humility, it breeds hate, as you have been bred to hate by your torturers." Otacon looked sad with the weight he carried, and his eyes were exhausted and puffy, as those of a man who had seen death.

Snake piped in, "As long as there are humans, there will be a struggle between right and wrong. We all have traits we're not proud of, but we should also have the chance to prove that we're not all evil, that we can make a good future for our kind." He put his hand on Otacon's shoulder, and Otacon nodded.

"Enough talk!" Leon said, taking the safety off on his gun, "I will not change my mind. You can only imagine what they did to me at DARPA. Demons like those cannot be redeemed. They tortured me and put implants in me; they raped me on their lunch hour as entertainment; they took away everything that I am and then abandoned me, not even having the honour to kill me! I am nothing but a lab rat, and my father will pay also for what he's done to me… The mighty Shalashaska indeed, he's nothing but a pawn of the government!"

Otacon and Snake's mouths fell open in unison, "Shalashaska… Revolver Ocelot!?" Snake said, unable to contain his shock.

"Yes… Arrogant pig always liked to call himself "Revolver"." Leon spat.

"You didn't tell me any of this…" Otacon said, his voice somewhere between anger and sadness.

"Would you have trusted me if you'd known? Would you have given me the gift of your love? Those were the greatest moments of my life, and the cost was worth it." Leon explained, and Otacon looked down at the floor, unable to look him in the eye.

The complex began to rock and shake, and Leon looked up in surprise, "What's going on?" he yelled into a radio, and a Russian soldier yelled back, "Ve're under attack! American bombers are coming zis vay!"

"Party's over," Leon said, and he yelled back into the radio, "Launch immediately! Send to the hiding place!"

"Ze hiding place?" the radio blared back, "Zat vill mean ze attack will not commence and vill be randomly scheduled!"

"I know that!" Leon yelled angrily, "It won't make it to New York being bombed by Americans!"

"Launching!" came back the radio, and it cut off.

Snake and Otacon heard the deafening roar of the boosters firing up, and they looked up to see the facility roof folding back, all of the floors parting to make way for the Metal Gear. It shot up, the sound making them cover their ears and shattering the glass of the observation deck. Snake rushed over and shielded Otacon from the falling glass with his body; he didn't even give a damn about Leon.

The building shock and rocked, taking the bombs as the floors closed up. Snake released Otacon and looked behind him. Leon pulled himself to his feet, but his skin was torn, his body was bleeding, what parts of it were human. His arm and parts of his face dangled wires and shorted… he was a cyborg, like something from an anime, part human, part robot.

"This is what they did… to create the perfect soldier," Leon said, "This is the truth that I hide. Half of me isn't even real, although it looks it, feels it, acts like it… They wanted to see how soldiers reacted to robot parts, so they could fit them and send wounded soldiers straight back into battle, and make stronger ones to do their bidding…" Leon didn't even look at himself, couldn't look at his true self.

"Hal, I am dying… There are more chemicals in me than in your average toxic waste dump, and this death is slow and painful, rotting me from the inside, taking my mind, my body… but I won't let them have my soul… Hal, kill me, end this tortured existence, please!" Leon begged Otacon, "Revenge is the only way I could keep living, it consumed me, gave me a purpose, and even now, I do not take back what I've done! At the appointed time, humanity will die, but I've left it up to God to decide when. There are millions, billions of numbers, but only one combination will spark a nuclear holocaust. I used the same program as that which Naomi Hunter used for your FOXDIE, Solid Snake." Leon looked at Snake, but Snake stood his ground, unflinching. It was for Hal to decide whether Leon should live or not.

"I should make you live… I should make you suffer for all that you've done, but that would make me no better than you or those who harmed you," Otacon said, pain filling his soul, "I will never truly understand you as I thought I once did, but that was another life." A tear rolled down his cheek, and he knew that if he didn't do it soon he would lose his nerve. Snake put his hand on Otacon's shoulder, but Otacon shook his head at Snake silent offer. No, he had to do it; he was the only one who could do it…

Leon slid down the control console, his strength fading, clutching at himself. Otacon knelt beside him, "Are you certain, Leon?" Leon nodded, "Please…" he begged, clawing at some unknown, invisible pain.

"Close your eyes," Otacon said, and gently pressed his lips to Leon's; even after all that had happened, he still loved him, and a part of him always would, no matter how twisted or obsessed he'd been.

"Hal," Leon said, "I love you… Thank you for understanding me. Now, please…"

Otacon couldn't do it, but he had to, he had promised, and could not take back his word. The battlefield had rules of its own concerning life and death, as Wolf's death had taught him long ago. And the first rule was mercy, mercy on the dying and the insane. Tears streamed down his face as he put the gun to Leon's head, forcing himself to be quick, for both of them.

"Goodbye, Leon," he whispered hoarsely, and pulled the trigger.


	11. Chapter Eleven

Title: Atonement  
Rating: PG-13  
Chapter 11  
Feedback: synth3sis@yahoo.co.uk or review.  
Notes: This is pretty much the end, but I have an epilogue and a sequel planned. I hope to write the epilogue tomorrow and then take a little rest, because I'm suffering from work exhaustion. As soon as I feel better I'll start the sequel. I really hope everyone's enjoyed this story, and if there's anything you particularly wish to see in a sequel feel free to drop me a line. This story was the slippery slope downhill – the next fic will be climbing back up, and will be a little bit more cheerful for Hal and all of you, I hope! Thank you to everyone for reading and reviewing – your comments have been vital in urging me to continue. Please enjoy!

Chapter 11

The gun slipped from Otacon's hands and clattered to the floor. He looked blankly at Leon; point blank range was messy, but instant and hopefully painless. Then it sank in that what he was seeing was real, and he had done it. The blood and bone, the destroyed body of his former lover lay splattered out before him, and he had caused that with his very own hands…

Otacon turned away and was sick to his stomach, tears streaming down his face, sobs racking his frail body. He dragged himself away, unable to look at what he'd done. He was splattered with blood and he screamed, weeping, wailing. Snake rushed over to his friend and cradled him in his arms, feeling the shaking, sobbing, hysterical figure in his arms. Otacon fought him, but Snake's grip was strong and he held him, refusing to let his friend cause any harm to himself.

"Otacon!" he said, as another bomb rocked the facility, "We have to leave, now!" He couldn't think of anything to say about Leon, couldn't muster up words of comfort. Whatever one said about killing, no matter how it happened, it would never make the pain go away, never take away the guilt that came with killing someone – especially someone close to you. Snake fought back the memories of fighting Grey Fox on a minefield, many years before. They were just two soldiers doing their jobs, but it didn't make it any easier to take the life of his friend. To see him die a second time had been almost as painful, crushed beneath Metal Gear Rex, back in Shadow Moses. It seemed everything they did led back to that place; they were tied to it forever.

"I don't care!" Otacon cried, trapped in his insanity. Snake picked him up; he wasn't going to let him die, even if he had to carry him all the way out of the doomed facility.

"When we get out of here, I'll tell you about when I killed a friend," Snake said, and was relieved Otacon had stopped fighting him; it hurt his arm more to carry a struggling figure. Otacon had closed his eyes and retreated into himself, responding to nothing Snake said or did.

Fires filled the building; the bombs had caused more damage then Snake had realized. He hurried through the rooms, doing whatever he could to evade the flames, Otacon cradled safely in his arms. Otacon was not an enemy on a battlefield, he was a civilian who had been dragged into all this back in Shadow Moses, and was eventually bound to Metal Gear as much as Snake was.

He passed into the clone room again; the tanks were shattered and clones of Otacon lie dead on the floor. He looked at Otacon's face; his eyes were still closed, as if he had shut himself off from the world entirely. He was grateful that he didn't have to see this again, but found it hard to navigate the room himself, despite all he'd seen and done in his many years as a soldier. None of these clones were real, no matter how much they looked like Otacon. He moved on, leaving the horror behind him, knowing that the warm figure he carried protectively in his arms was all that mattered to him now.

The next room was filled with smoke; Snake hoped the upper levels weren't as bad, or getting out alive was going to be hard. He rushed through and up the stairs, fighting back the pain in his arm from the effort of carrying Otacon.

He reached the office levels, the rooms where they had been imprisoned, and swore: the staircase up to the final level was blocked. Snake set Otacon down, propping him against a wall while he worked on clearing it. He felt his arm bleed and the strength fade from it again. He worked until he could work no more, and knew that he couldn't do it alone.

Snake knelt in front of Otacon, "Otacon, I need your help, wake up!" He shook Otacon's shoulders, and Otacon groaned, having given up the will to do anything. He didn't open his eyes.

"I've killed many people for my cause, but eventually I understood that you can't save everyone, no matter what you do," Snake said, "But there are some people you can save, and you have to do all in your power to help them… Hal, we're going to die if you don't help me, and then we won't be able to stop Metal Gear. People are depending on you, on us, even if they don't know it."

Otacon's eyes flickered open, his heart awakened by Snake's speech, "Snake, I killed him, I… I took his life away… How does that make me worthy to help people?"

"You don't need to be worthy or great to help people. I've killed lots of people; yet some people see me as a hero. I'm no saint, and chances are if I were, I'd be dead by now. That's just how it works." The room was rocked by the blasts, and ceiling tiles began to fall, "Otacon, we need to hurry," Snake repeated, "We're still needed in the world, we can't die here. Otherwise many people will suffer."

Otacon's eyes lit up with new resolve. He reached for Snake's hand to perform the handshake, but Snake indicated there wasn't the time. Otacon rushed to the pile of debris blocking the staircase and began to throw rubble out of the way. Between them, the pile was gone in minutes. Another blast rocked the building and more of the ceiling began to crumble. Snake herded Otacon up the stairs, and another blast made the room collapse just as they escaped. They didn't look back, there was no time to think about how close to death they'd been while they were still in danger. They continued climbing, and were grateful to feel fresh air on their faces, rain coming with it like tears, the cold water beating against their faces and refreshing them. A cold wind swept the isle, and bombers still swooped overhead, although now satisfied that the evidence was destroyed, the attack was easing off and the planes were flying away.

They sheltered in the entrance until all the bombers were gone, Otacon feeling the warmth of Snake sitting next to him. He had no time to contemplate their fate, not while they were still in danger, but there were things he wanted to say just in case they didn't make it out.

"Thank you, Snake… for saving my life back there," Otacon began, for he knew if Snake hadn't opened his heart to him, they both would have died needlessly, buried in tons of concrete and metal.

Snake nodded, "Well, I was saving my own ass too," he smiled, trying to lighten the mood.

Otacon managed a faint smile, "Yeah, I guess you were," he said, but he knew Snake hadn't done it purely for selfish reasons; his actions through the mission had shown how much he cared for Otacon. He'd put Otacon before himself at all times, from locking him in the closet of the hotel room to carrying him through the room of clones, to protecting him from the falling glass and the collapsing room they'd just passed through, whereas Leon had manipulated him and shot Snake, and Snake had known the man was bad news, but had still supported Otacon despite it all… 

Otacon felt gratitude swell up inside of him, and he nuzzled his head into Snake's shoulder, unable to speak because of the lump in his throat. Snake held him again, looking out at the foreboding sky while absentmindedly stroking his hair, knowing in that moment he loved Otacon, had loved him for a long time. He knew that part of his hatred for Leon had been jealousy, although he hadn't consciously realized it at the time. It was going to take a lot of time for Otacon's mental and emotional wounds to heal, but Snake knew his feelings would wait. He looked at Otacon's face and their eyes met in mutual understanding, but to speak those words would be to demand an answer, and Otacon wasn't ready for a relationship again so soon after losing Leon, and they both knew it, so they kept their words to themselves.

A crack of thunder broke the mood, and Snake looked out to see the bombers had gone. He pointed to the helicopters on the pad, "There's our ride out of here."

"Can you fly a helicopter, Snake?" Otacon asked, hoping Snake had had better training than he.

"I was kinda hoping you could," Snake said, looking grim.

"I did have some training, but not in Russian helicopters. That's a Kasatka, the civilian model… I guess I could give it a try," he said, knowing they had no other choice. Snake patted him on the back, and Otacon nodded. They stood up together, and rushed out into the pouring rain towards the helipad.

Gunfire opened at them, and Snake chanced a glance behind him to see that whatever soldiers were left had grouped together to make a final stand. Some American soldiers landed on the shore and they engaged the Russians, keeping them busy while Snake and Otacon dived onto the helicopter. Otacon dived into the pilot seat and looked around, pressing buttons and hoping he could still remember his training. Snake hardly dare breathe, and he looked out of the helicopter briefly. Some soldiers had broken from the others and were heading straight for them, eager to prevent their escape.

"Hurry it up!" Snake yelled to Otacon, "They're coming for us!"

Otacon threw caution to the winds and worked on pure instinct, hoping that what he remembered was right…

They took off from the ground just as the soldiers came close, and soared out of reach of the soldiers being able to grab hold. They shot at the helicopter, but Otacon flew off quickly and they were left shooting at shadows in the night sky.

Snake put his hands on Otacon's shoulders, "Let's go home, Otacon."

"Yeah," Otacon said, and they flew into the night, not taking a single glance behind them. The past could not be altered, and the future, although uncertain, held tiny seeds of hope that they both cherished, praying that in time those seeds would grow to be beautiful flowers, dancing in the sunlight, celebrating spring at the end of a long winter. They had suffered for their decisions, paid for their sins with loss and pain, and only one question remained; when and how would it all end? Metal Gear was still out there; death could be inflicted on the human race at any time. The battle was over; the war was not.

The first cracks of sunlight broke on the island behind them, illuminating the graveyard below, the broken buildings still smoldering and burning. Soldiers lie still; all life extinguished from them. Smoke spiraled upward to the sky, as if sending the souls of the dead to some heaven, if such a place existed.

Water lapped up onto the sand, the waves crashing as the storm disappeared, leaving calm over the island. A small patch of grass, untouched by events, was home to a flower that opened its petals to the morning sunlight for the first time…

While there is life, there is always hope.


	12. Epilogue

Title: Atonement  
Rating: PG-13 for references to sexual activity  
Epilogue  
Feedback: synth3sis@yahoo.co.uk  
Notes: This is it, folks. The last part of Atonement. It's long for an epilogue, but oh well. I hope you've enjoyed the ride, and please come back for the sequel, Redemption, when I start it! Thank you for all your reading and reviewing, the support I've had has been great. Special thanks to Ann, The Ice Goddess, for the very neat picture she drew for me and for all her reviews. If you want more Metal Gear Slash, I thoroughly recommend her fic Metal Gear Solid: Elements of Destruction.

  
Epilogue

The rain poured over New York City and Otacon looked at it from his window, listened to the sound of the raindrops beating on the window. Behind him lay boxes full of Leon's possessions, packed neatly away, waiting for a charity to come and collect them. The mission was over. Leon was dead. Too much had been and gone for Otacon to take in at once.

The scientist held in his hand a single photo, the only picture he had of him and Leon together, taken on a bright sunny day. Looking at it now, everything seemed different, now Otacon knew Leon's secrets. He could only hope Leon was at peace.

The door opened, and Otacon slipped the photo into his inside pocket. That was the only memory he would take with him, the rest could go.

Snake slipped into the silent room shrouded in darkness, and walked over to the window. He gently placed his hands on Otacon's shoulders, and Otacon leaned into Snake's warmth.

"It's time to go, Otacon," he said, "Don't look back."

Otacon nodded, still looking out of the window into the gray day, then he turned around and followed Snake out of the room, locking the door behind him. There could be no turning back. Otacon had chosen to give up this apartment, rather than live with the ghosts that inhabited it these days. He'd been staying with Snake for a while, but he felt he needed some time to think about everything. Snake had given him space, and they'd not spoken of their feelings – there were still so many open wounds that needed to heal.

They walked downstairs to the club in silence, each full of thoughts but unable to speak their minds. Otacon stepped out onto the empty dance floor and looked around, remembering when it was full of vibrant faces and lights. It would be again that night, the lights would shine, the people would dance once more, but Leon would not be among them, and neither would he be. Otacon walked over to the bar, remembering when he'd nervously walked in to ask for directions and bumped into Leon, his papers flying everywhere. He remembered when Leon asked him if he wanted to dance, and had felt their bodies entwining in rhythm, captured in the magic of the music. Had any of it been real, or had it all been an elaborate ploy to capture Otacon by gaining his trust? He closed his eyes and looked down at his feet, and warm hands once again rested on his shoulders. Otacon pulled himself from his reverie and left the keys on the bar, ringing the bell and leaving. He owed nothing, and didn't look back as he left the building; Snake behind him, urging him onward into the future.

The rain touched Otacon's face with a coldness that froze him to the bone. It was a reminder that everything was real, not just a dream… He wanted to wander the streets alone, and felt like asking Snake if he could go home alone, but he knew he wouldn't come to any good wandering the city alone and was grateful for Snake's support. Still, a part of him wanted to run away, to leave, to think for a while, and accept everything that had happened, but he knew there was no time for that; they had to find the rogue Metal Gear and destroy it, no matter how small the odds were of it unleashing a nuclear holocaust, the chance was too great to take.

They got back to Snake's nice new apartment, and Otacon sighed and made for his bedroom. Snake put his hand on Otacon's shoulder to stop him, and turned the scientist around to face him.

"Otacon," he said, "We need to talk."

Otacon's shoulders sagged, the scientist retreating into himself. Snake hated to be doing this to his friend, but the long silences were only serving to make things worse between them. Otacon's pain worsened the more he let it brew inside, and Snake wanted to be there, to share that pain with him. Otacon made his way to the sofa and sat down, while Snake headed to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of wine to make the evening more relaxed.

"Figured you could do with something to drink," Snake explained, as he brought the bottle and two glasses over and sat across from Otacon. He had considered sitting next to him, but didn't want to unnerve him or push him away. Whatever Otacon chose was up to him, and Snake wasn't going to pressure him in any way.

"I'll pour the wine," Otacon offered, and Snake let his partner do it, to give him something to concentrate on. His trembling hands threatened to spill some of the liquid, but he managed to pour them both a glass without wasting a drop. Otacon took the glass to his lips, and a sip of the alcoholic fluid made him relax a little.

"So… where do we go from here?" Otacon asked, his mind forming plans even as he spoke.

"Mei Ling got in touch yesterday, she wants to help locate the Metal Gear and join our anti-Metal Gear organization, if one's going to exist. She said a few of her team members in the military are interested in joining too. She's spreading the word through the channels, and says she may be able to get us some more support. She even hinted that the U.N. might recognize us, but I don't think that's likely… But the real question is, Otacon, what do you want to do?" Snake asked, taking a gulp of his wine. He hated being delicate about it; had he been alone he would have chosen a few cans of beer, but Otacon got drunk way too easily, and he didn't want him to say or do anything he might regret later.

"Me?" Otacon asked, "I don't really know… Part of me wants to get away from everything for a while and think about everything, but I know that's not possible; Metal Gear could unleash hell on us at any time. It's my duty to…"

"No," Snake stopped him, "It's not your duty to do anything. If you want to leave, Mei Ling and I can handle it."

"I created Metal Gear; I should stop it. I can't keep running away!" Otacon cried, taking a deep sip of his wine. His thoughts were opening up, and once the floodgate opened…

"You have the right to run away. I've chosen this path, but half-heartedness only leads to death. If you choose a path, you must do so with your entire soul, and put all of yourself into it. If you can't do that – if you're not ready for that – you can go, and this door will always be open, should you choose to return," Snake said firmly. If Otacon was to stay, it had to be the right thing for him. No less than one hundred percent commitment would do.

"Then I guess I have to go," Otacon said, uncertainty filling his voice, "But…"

"What?" Snake asked. He had to know the truth, there had to be nothing left unspoken.

"I… I love you, Dave," Otacon whispered, "I just need time to work everything out, to get through the pain of losing Leon… But, what if I go and you get killed? What if I never get the chance to…"

"Stop that," Snake said, and stood up. He sat on the sofa next to Otacon, and put his hand on Otacon's. Otacon's trembling eyes looked at him, and Snake reassured him, "There's nothing you won't get the chance to do. We have tonight together, to do whatever you wish. You call the shots; you tell me when to stop."

Otacon's trembling hand made its way up to Snake's face and stroked a path down it, feeling the unshaven face brush against his hand. Snake's hand moved up to cover his, and they spent long minutes in exploration, moving slowly. Their breaths grew deeper; Otacon felt his mouth brush against Snake's and his lips parted, inviting Otacon in. The first tears began to fall from Otacon's eyes, rolling down his cheeks silently, the beginning of the healing process that he had to undergo.

Snake pulled back, "Hal," he said softly, "Are you sure this is what you want?"

"I've never wanted something more," Otacon said through his tears, and as he said it he knew it was true. Snake pulled in close again, and kissed Otacon's tears away, feeling the warm figure below him now…

They pulled at each other's clothing, taking long, slow breaths of suppressed desire. They found themselves naked, moaning quietly as they pressed together, enjoying the friction of their bodies rubbing against each other.

"Hal…" Snake began; worried that Otacon would come to regret what they were doing.

"Shhh," Otacon hushed, and took Snake's lips in his once more as they continued grinding against one another. Time was short, and they wanted to make the most of this night, the first and the last for a long time…

^*^

Snake woke first to feel the gentle figure cradled in his arms. They hadn't gone all the way; they hadn't dared, just in case they never saw each other again. They'd migrated to the bedroom and continued their pleasure to climax, but there'd been no intercourse. Snake feared giving his soul again, even now, even after all that time away from Meryl, the wound from where she had ran away still cut deep. It wasn't that he missed her, or even that he still loved her; he didn't. But the thought of losing Otacon the same way made him cautious.

Otacon stirred in his arms, and Snake gently stroked his hair as he awoke. He knew Otacon would be leaving; he still needed time. Nothing had changed, but he couldn't help wishing that it had. Those who didn't know him well said that he was cold and unfeeling; that was not the case. But he did try to protect himself from harm, and sometimes that meant shutting himself away to avoid pain, in some of the same ways that Otacon did. Knowing Otacon, he knew that he was hurting still, and had to go, in order to return a better man.

Otacon managed a faint smile at Snake, but knew that he had to leave. Snake's face was cold, stony even. He was so far away, even though he was so close. Snake reached for the bedside table where he found his pack of cigarettes and promptly lit one, taking deep puffs of smoke to relax himself. Otacon coughed in complaint, but smiled too at the soldier's habit. Snake stubbornly continued to smoke until Otacon was chased from the bed. He went into the living room and gathered his clothes, dressing quickly. He went to his own room and sighed. He wanted to stay; to spend every day with Snake, but he knew that doing so would only be evading the problems he needed to face, and he knew he wouldn't be able to just forget Leon so easily. Although his heart begged him to stay, he had to go. He started to pack before he lost his nerve; he had to go, now or never.

^*^

Otacon emerged from his room carrying a large rucksack and bumped into Snake who was standing there. Snake held back the urge to take Otacon in his arms and kiss him, knowing it would only make things harder. Otacon put his shoes on, and Snake could only stand there.

"Snake, I'll try not to be too long," Otacon said, and Snake would have chuckled to himself if the circumstances had been different. Otacon made it sound like a shopping trip, but it was far more than that. They didn't know when they would see each other again, or even if they would. Otacon reached for the door, and Snake gave into the urge to hold Otacon close one last time, to kiss him passionately and remember the taste.

"Wait for me," Otacon said, and before Snake could say anything, he was gone, leaving Snake looking at an empty apartment. Snake longed to go after him, but he knew he had a mission ahead of him, and he couldn't run away from it, no matter how much he wanted to.

^*^

Otacon walked for what seemed like miles, not caring where he went or what he did. He found himself at the edge of the road, hitchhiking wherever the wind took him. A different hotel room every night, a different nightmare, a different demon to overcome within himself, but the same longing, every day and night: Snake.

Someday, he would go back, he thought, as he walked into the sunset, listening to the sounds of nature all around him. When the time was right, he would return, to give all his love to Snake.

For now, all that mattered was putting one foot in front of the other on the long journey of life.


End file.
